What do you call cheese t …
What do you call cheese that’s not yours? Nacho cheese.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My Grandad is always comp …
My Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost. “Two quid for a cup of tea?!” I said, “Well you just popped round, I didn’t invite you!”
Continue ReadingI’ve just started a job a …
I’ve just started a job as a mobile plastic surgeon. I give bust ops at bus stops.
Continue ReadingGive a man a stick and so …
Give a man a stick and some string, and he will try and make a fishing rod out of it. Give a man a fishing rod, and he will sell it on eBay.
Continue ReadingThere are four things i a …
There are four things i am not good at; Faces, names and numbers.
Continue ReadingOnly users lose drugs. …
Only users lose drugs.
Continue ReadingMy wife finally made me g …
My wife finally made me go see the doctor for my erectile dysfunction. When I came back she asked what the doctor said. I told her that I didn’t get to ask him about it. “And why not?” she asked, clearly furious. “To be honest, it just didn’t come up”.
Continue ReadingFirst the American’s vote …
First the American’s vote a black man into the White House. Then tens of thousands of kids mourn the death of a Paedophile. American’s don’t get irony do they.
Continue ReadingI saw this baby sheep cov …
I saw this baby sheep covered in plastic. Laminated.
Continue ReadingI saw a slide with an 85 …
I saw a slide with an 85 degree incline for sale the other day for 1000. I thought that’s a bit steep.
Continue ReadingAnd he said ‘My dog doesn …
And he said ‘My dog doesn’t eat meat’. I said ‘Why not?’. He said ‘We don’t give him any’
Continue ReadingI’m really good at rope t …
I’m really good at rope tying……KNOT!
Continue ReadingA lot of posters here see …
A lot of posters here see their jokes as being their children. I see them that way too: they’re stupid, they’re ugly and I wish they’d go away.
Continue ReadingWhen my wife said my life …
When my wife said my life was a joke I couldn’t stand to be anywhere near her. So I picked up my chicken and crossed the road.
Continue ReadingThere was a time when I t …
There was a time when I thought my wife was going to drive me insane. Then I remembered women can’t drive.
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