Little Johnny’s mother taught him to say ‘whisper’ whenever he had to ‘tinkle.’ One day Little Johnny’s grandpa paid them a visit. He was lying on the couch taking a nap when Little Johnny came up to him and said, “Grandpa, I have to whisper.” Without opening his eyes, his grandpa said, “Whisper in my […]
Continue ReadingI used to have a Cuban accountant. But I caught him on the Fidel.
Continue ReadingI think real stalkers would be insulted by people who call themselves “facebook stalkers.” Oooh, you click around on different profiles hoping to find tagged pictures of that cute babe you met in a club. You are so edgy and dangerous. Try camping out in front of Cheryl Coles’s house wearing a nappy and night […]
Continue ReadingSome people say i’m too vague. But you know the famous saying…
Continue ReadingNever own a pet store. Stores make terrible pets.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad always used to say “find a penny, pick it up, and all day long you’ll have good luck.” Which worked well for him, until he drowned in a fountain.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between a Lehman’s banker and a pigeon? A pigeon can still leave a deposit on a Ferrari.
Continue ReadingI just walked past a Tesco’s store with a sign in the window.. “No Food, No Drink, No Cigs, in this store” Worst. Tesco. Ever.
Continue Reading‘Best thing since sliced bread’ As opposed to when people would jus ram a full loaf in their mouth….
Continue ReadingI’m just like the wind…. If you catch my drift.
Continue ReadingWhy have they made a social network film when know one will go out to see it?
Continue ReadingI hate crime. I mostly direct it towards Pakis.
Continue ReadingWhat do Roman Abramovich and Gary Glitter have in common? They both love fiddling with things they shouldn’t.
Continue ReadingMy inability to use emoticons correctly is really getting me down 🙂
Continue ReadingI love living in a small village. Every night I go to the pub and buy everybody 3 pints. Its great being the only taxi driver.
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