“Dad, am I okay to downlo …
“Dad, am I okay to download this new software?” “Is it safe?” “Well, loads of people have got it!” “Loads of people have got AIDS but that isn’t safe”
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Irony:Telling someone on …
Irony:Telling someone on facebook to get a life.
Continue ReadingOkay, I’ve figured it out …
Okay, I’ve figured it out: the more hair Nicholas Cage has, the better the movie.
Continue ReadingI got arrested the other …
I got arrested the other day, the copper told me to get in the back of the van when I got in, there was a box of flakes and a Mr Whippy machine he said – “Not that van!!”
Continue ReadingWe took the Mother-in-Law …
We took the Mother-in-Law to Blackpool, and she moaned and whined ALL the way there. Even after we took her off the roof rack.
Continue ReadingAfter all the doom and gl …
After all the doom and gloom in the news it`s nice to wake up to some good news.
Continue ReadingThe wife was having a go …
The wife was having a go at me. “Life’s just one big joke to you, isn’t it.” “I don’t know what you mean. Sit down, luv, and let’s talk about it.” That’s when I pulled her chair away.
Continue ReadingI used to love outrageous …
I used to love outrageous Scottish comedians but lately I confess to have gone off the Boyle.
Continue ReadingI’m so poo, I can’t even …
I’m so poo, I can’t even afford the “r”.
Continue ReadingI was thrown off a Ryanai …
I was thrown off a Ryanair flight today. I think they’ve taken these cut-backs a bit too far.
Continue ReadingI was taking a shower thi …
I was taking a shower this morning, when I thought to myself… Shoplifting is not a talent of mine.
Continue ReadingRecent surveys show that …
Recent surveys show that 0% of the population lie when doing a survey.
Continue ReadingMy son asked for a jungle …
My son asked for a jungle gym for his birthday. He wasn’t impressed when I turned up with a black bloke called James.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen a Parasite …
I’ve just seen a Parasite… It was full of disabled pikeys.
Continue ReadingThe best thing about moth …
The best thing about mother’s milk is the lovely packaging.
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