Since buying these Roboti …
Since buying these Robotic Sheep, I constantly have to upgrade my RAM.
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A girlfriend once dumped …
A girlfriend once dumped me during a site seeing trip to Pompeii. She left me in ruins
Continue ReadingHispanic. It’s what happe …
Hispanic. It’s what happens when you throw a Latin American into a lions den.
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I used to get terrorized by a ghost every night until one day I came home from a waterfowl themed fancy dress party Turns out he wouldn’t say boo to a goose
Continue ReadingSome people say that cons …
Some people say that considering abortion is the hardest thing ever. They’ve obviously never wrestled a dog biscuit from a spazzy.
Continue ReadingGuns are for people who c …
Guns are for people who can’t be bothered to humiliate criminals with elaborate swinging paint-can contraptions.
Continue ReadingI pushed a Frenchman off …
I pushed a Frenchman off a tower. E’fell.
Continue ReadingStep one: Buy a sheep. St …
Step one: Buy a sheep. Step two: Name it “Relation”. Now you have a relationsheep.
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “I don’t li …
My wife said, “I don’t like your offensive jokes. They’re not funny, they’re disgusting and meaningless.” I said, “So are the kids. But you put up with them.”
Continue ReadingWhenever anyone asks me w …
Whenever anyone asks me whether I have kids I always give a cheeky wink and reply with “Not that I know of.” My wife doesn’t like this. And my son hates it.
Continue ReadingIt is said that America w …
It is said that America will soon take second place to China as a global innovator, mainly due to the ‘dumbing down’ of American popular culture. That’s not the kind of thinking that sent Neil Armstrong and Buzz Lightyear to the Moon.
Continue ReadingAnnouncement: Spastic Wai …
Announcement: Spastic Waitresses has a new website but all the Servers are Down.
Continue ReadingVictims of car clampers. …
Victims of car clampers. Try being gone for more than two minutes.That’s obviously the time in which most cars get clamped according to you.
Continue ReadingA lot of people are conde …
A lot of people are condemning Ashley Cole for shooting a student at point blank range, but in his defence, John Terry, Branislav Ivanovic and Jose Bosingwa.
Continue Readingwhen deciding whether to …
when deciding whether to spit or swallow, always remember that you are what you eat.
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