I saw a Charity Collector …
I saw a Charity Collector in town today with a hunched back. Her coat had “Aspinall Foundation” on it. Seemed quite appropriate, really.
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I’ve just watched a TV sh …
I’ve just watched a TV show called ‘For the Weekend’. It was good, but it was missing Something.
Continue ReadingJust got back from my fir …
Just got back from my first day at work as an exam invigilator at an all girls school. To be honest with you, i found it was pretty testing….
Continue ReadingHow come tramps are such …
How come tramps are such good guitarists?
Continue ReadingIt came as no surprise wh …
It came as no surprise when the security guard at the amputation clinic was unarmed today.
Continue ReadingNews: Harper Seven Beckha …
News: Harper Seven Beckham is a “mixture” of her parents David and Victoria Beckham. Ok someone finally found a use for their GCSE Biology.
Continue ReadingI’ve been doing a lot of …
I’ve been doing a lot of overtime lately, earning plenty of extra cash, so last night, after seeing an advert with those starving African children with their bones sticking out & all the flies around their eyes, I thought I’d do the right thing I sponsored a snow leopard
Continue Reading“I might become a window …
“I might become a window cleaner,” my wife said hilariously. “I’ve just found a ladder in my tights!” “You should, dear,” I replied. “You’ve already got a bucket in your knickers.”
Continue ReadingI’ve decided to increase …
I’ve decided to increase my chances of being abducted by aliens. I’m growing a filthy beard, moving to America, adopting a Texan accent and killing my brain cells with whiskey.
Continue ReadingNever trust a man who, wh …
Never trust a man who, when left in a room alone with a tea cosy, doesn’t try it on.
Continue ReadingMy new club for condom lo …
My new club for condom lovers is ‘Members Only’.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Somalis guilty …
BBC News: Somalis guilty of US ship attack. Be more specific, how many Ali’s was it?
Continue Reading“It’s not the cough that …
“It’s not the cough that carries you off, it’s the coffin they carry you off in” Unless you’re a Muslim, then they bury you in a sheet….. if they can find the bits….
Continue ReadingI just made some new brak …
I just made some new brake pads for my bike out of strips of dried and seasoned beef. Stops the bike fine, bit jerky though.
Continue ReadingI’m in big trouble with t …
I’m in big trouble with the RSPCA after I uploaded my video version of “Whip my Hare” onto You Tube.
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