I just got fired from the …
I just got fired from the marketing department. Apparently, pictures of missing black child on marmalade jars wasn’t good for the company image.
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Just bought my third repl …
Just bought my third replica shirt from my beloved football club in kent after the first two got destroyed. Finally learned my lesson though, never go home to my wife holding a bag with the initials KFC across it and not have any chicken.
Continue ReadingToday at work I stood up …
Today at work I stood up in front of all my colleagues and said “an occupation or profession, especially one requiring special training, followed as one’s lifework”. It was a career defining moment.
Continue ReadingDATABASE Lenency too high …
DATABASE Lenency too high. There are 854 looking at this page. Time to update the Commodore 64 lads
Continue ReadingGerman mathematicians thi …
German mathematicians think about sechs every 10 seconds.
Continue Reading“Doctor, doctor, I’ve got …
“Doctor, doctor, I’ve got problems with my hearing.” “What are the symptoms?” “They’re those yellow people on TV.”
Continue ReadingNoise, the silent killer. …
Noise, the silent killer.
Continue ReadingWith his exams coming up …
With his exams coming up my son was told to stop burying his head in the sand. “That’s no way to treat a teacher.” The police told him.
Continue ReadingNow that most computers h …
Now that most computers have touchscreens, websites should make their advertising links look like smudges.
Continue ReadingYOLO; You Obviously Lack …
YOLO; You Obviously Lack Originality.
Continue ReadingMy grandad is going to co …
My grandad is going to court to fight to keep his allotment, he thinks he will win the case , personally i think he’s lost the plot.
Continue ReadingRumour has it that Sir Pa …
Rumour has it that Sir Patrick Moore favours Wife Beater as his preferred lager of choice. He’s interstellar.
Continue ReadingI phoned up the vet and s …
I phoned up the vet and said, “I am rather concerned about my pet, Millie. Every time the postman comes to my house, she barks.” The vet said, “Don’t worry about it, it is very normal for dogs to bark at postmen.” I said, “I know that, but Millie is my cat.”
Continue ReadingHad some road rage today. …
Had some road rage today. I was driving into a circus carpark and some clown cut me up.
Continue ReadingA bully pushed me over in …
A bully pushed me over in the playground today, and I grazed my knee slightly. Naturally, this means that I am now the future winner of The X-Factor 2012.
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