I’ve started to wear Dove …
I’ve started to wear Dove deodorant recently in the hope of getting some birds.
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I offered a pregnant woma …
I offered a pregnant woman a seat on the bus today. She refused, but it was for the best. She was probably too big for my lap anyway.
Continue ReadingThe pen is mightier than …
The pen is mightier than the sword… … as Joe Pesci comprehensively proved in Casino.
Continue ReadingWhat happened to the PhD …
What happened to the PhD student that was on fire? He suffered 3rd degree burns.
Continue ReadingSign at the restaurant a …
Sign at the restaurant a few doors down. “Eat now, Pay waiter”
Continue ReadingIncest: generally relativ …
Incest: generally relative, but not always apparent.
Continue ReadingI used to be obsessed wit …
I used to be obsessed with JRR Tolkien. Now I’ve kicked the hobbit!
Continue ReadingJokes about pencils aren’ …
Jokes about pencils aren’t very funny. You have 2B there.
Continue ReadingThere are too many people …
There are too many people in Africa and not enough food. Bring back that fine African tradition of cannibalism, and before you can say “Comic Relief”, the problem’s solved.
Continue ReadingI’m only coming back on t …
I’m only coming back on this site when Sickipedia has Banned Wagons.
Continue ReadingI just can’t understand s …
I just can’t understand some people…. Foreigners mainly.
Continue ReadingI love science we have so …
I love science we have so much in common Take pH and my choice of girls for example: They both only go up to 14.
Continue ReadingI got banned from playing …
I got banned from playing poker on Facebook Apparently you’re not suppose to tell people that by pressing the F5 key on their keyboard they could see my hand. How was I suppose to know that it refreshed your browser, therefore exiting you from the game and giving me all your chips. Suckers.
Continue ReadingIt’s our ‘health a safety …
It’s our ‘health a safety officers’ night out tonight. We’re going to paint the town in a hypoallergenic red paint, but only to a height of 2 metres, therefore eliminating the need for anyone to climb unsafely or overstretch themselves.
Continue ReadingMy best mate never carrie …
My best mate never carries money or cash cards… I suppose you’ve got to give him credit.
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