An Italian Mafia Don told …
An Italian Mafia Don told me that I was going to sleep with the fishes. What an idiot. If I did that, I’d die.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Save a tree… …Kill a …
Save a tree… …Kill a vegetarian
Continue ReadingWhat’s the definition of …
What’s the definition of risk? All londoners are fat, lazy overweight virgins who spend the whole day on their computers, wasting away their lives minute by minute. They need a life and a girlfriend! Joke by Afielding, 23 St Margarets Road, Twickenham, London, England
Continue ReadingWhat do elephants and gra …
What do elephants and grapes have in common? They both have trunks, except for the grapes.
Continue ReadingMy grandad wanted to play …
My grandad wanted to play charades, so I said “ok, you go first and I’ll try and guess.” He drew a box in the air. “TV show” I said, grandad nodded. He wiggled his ear. “Sounds like” I said, grandad nodded. He tapped his chest. “Heart” I said, I could tell he was nervous as […]
Continue ReadingI love mugshots. They get …
I love mugshots. They get you drunk faster.
Continue ReadingMy wife accused me of tur …
My wife accused me of turning the smallest thing into a drama and making a meal out of everything. She’ll regret saying that. I’ll make her eat her words.
Continue ReadingHow many kangaroos does i …
How many kangaroos does it take to fix a leaky water main? None, a kangaroo has neither the intelligence nor dexterity to do any kind of plumbing work. At best it could try to locate the source of the leak by jumping around, but even then it would be hard pushed to actually do anything […]
Continue ReadingStarting getting the ingr …
Starting getting the ingredients ready for my ‘Mother Nature’ cake this morning. 2 earthquakes, 3 volcanic eruptions and a tsunami. Then I stopped and thought ‘this is just a recipe for disaster’…
Continue ReadingI’ve told my son that I h …
I’ve told my son that I have put 250 000 into a trust fund to be released to him at the time of my death. That way I know that I won’t be there to see his disappointment when he realises that I’m a bad father.
Continue ReadingGood thing Fred Goodwin d …
Good thing Fred Goodwin didn’t invent time, there would be no night.
Continue ReadingOur ice cream man was fou …
Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands, Police say that he topped himself.
Continue ReadingMidget stripper just arri …
Midget stripper just arrived for my birthday, which was actually last week. Too little, too late.
Continue Reading“A lie gets halfway aroun …
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its trousers on.” – Winston Churchill Perhaps the truth would not lag so far behind, if it refrained from taking it’s trousers off in the first place.
Continue ReadingI was helping out in my w …
I was helping out in my wife’s bridal shop, when a fat, frumpy, 50ish-yr-old woman came in. “Bridesmaid dresses?” she inquired. “Left, on the shelf” I said. I still don’t know why she started sobbing.
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