That ‘fly spray’ is a rip …
That ‘fly spray’ is a rip-off. I covered myself with it and have been flapping my arms for 5 minutes but I haven’t taken off yet.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Just taken the dog out to …
Just taken the dog out to do his business. He’s a Corgi gas fitter.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a travel …
What do you call a travelling potato? Chipsy
Continue ReadingWalked into a cafe the ot …
Walked into a cafe the other day and ordered Sausage on toast. The little old lady behind the counted asked “what do you like on you sausage?” I replied “Lipstick”
Continue ReadingMy neighbour’s new dog wo …
My neighbour’s new dog wouldn’t stop barking. So I kicked him with my Hush Puppies.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the similarity bet …
What’s the similarity between a very good clown who’s masturbating, and a very good, but predictable, joke? You can see it coming but it’s still really funny.
Continue ReadingMe and the wife were call …
Me and the wife were called in by my little boys teacher because he’s been using racist language. “Your son has been using some really quite offensive words,” said the teacher, “I’m worried about the role models he might have.” “Absolute rubbish,” I said, “Come on Ava, lets go, I’m not going to let him […]
Continue Reading“Well, well! I had to see …
“Well, well! I had to see it to believe it!” If more people thought this way, religion wouldn’t be so popular, would it?
Continue ReadingI was leaving a bar the o …
I was leaving a bar the other day, when a fat bird walked through the door before me, being reasonble I let her through. She gave me the eye and said “Awww thankyou, what a gentleman”. I then replied “I only done it because we both wouldn’t have fit through the door at the same […]
Continue ReadingThe manager of our local …
The manager of our local Nando’s restaurant died. He will be missed Peri-Peri much.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend went mad wh …
My girlfriend went mad when she caught me reading her diary… Whilst using a megaphone in the town centre.
Continue ReadingI’m trying to teach my so …
I’m trying to teach my son how to read the time without using a clock but still having no luck. I guess it takes time to do it.
Continue ReadingMy parents hated me as a …
My parents hated me as a child. One Christmas I opened my present to find an empty shoe box. They told me it was an action man deserter.
Continue ReadingI recieved a phone call o …
I recieved a phone call on my mobile from my son’s school teacher today. “Your son hasn’t turned up for school for over a week,” he exclaimed. “Well, speak to his Gran,” I snapped. “I’m in prison!” “What about his mother?” he replied. “Why do you think I’m in prison?”
Continue ReadingWith all these souvenirs …
With all these souvenirs being made in the lead up to a British wedding, It really gives a new meaning to the concept of “A Royal Teabag”…
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