I have only one reason that i never use easy jet. Just imagine that you’re going on holiday and the plane crashes into a mountain and you’re stuck up there with no food. I mean would you really want to eat the kind of person that uses easy jet.
Continue ReadingDo you know that because your tongue shares muscles with your intercostal muscles it’s impossible to stick your tounge out and breath heavily at the same time? Good boy.
Continue ReadingI was going to think of a word beginning with ‘u’ and was 11 letters long. But I decided it was unnecessary.
Continue ReadingI must abstain from licking windows, I’m putting the window cleaner out of buisness.
Continue ReadingI went to my local race night last night. Apparently this doesn’t mean shouting at black people all evening.
Continue ReadingDaily Mirror: Shark Widow: My Agony With all due respect love, you weren’t the one who was chewed up and eaten alive by Jaws.
Continue ReadingThe wife just rushed into the kitchen and said, “You’ve burnt the custard, again!” In my defence, it is a really old kettle.
Continue ReadingMy wife went into a shop quickly and told me to wait for her. I drove off home, and she came in about an hour later. She said, “I told you to wait on me!” I said, “I did wait. But I was doing it while I was driving.”
Continue ReadingI had to give my son a few strokes with my belt today for using the ‘C’ word in public. I don’t care if ‘Chelsea’ is the name of a bun as well.
Continue ReadingI was just watching ‘Dangerous Jobs for girls’ on TV. How taxi driver didn’t get the number 1 spot i’ll never know
Continue ReadingI got in a fight with a load of kids earlier. I never knew goats could be so vicious.
Continue ReadingGive a man a fish and he’ll eat for a day. But teach a man to fish… And you’ve saved yourself a fish.
Continue ReadingFor sale: Braille dictionary, Must see to appreciate.
Continue ReadingWhat do you do if a herd of elephants come over the hill? Swim for it!
Continue ReadingOn a train. “Are you travelling to Manchester?” “Yes.” “And what are you planning to do there?” “Get off the train.”
Continue Reading