I just got kicked out of …
I just got kicked out of my local Laser Tag and the police were called. Apparently knifing somebody to save ammo is not allowed.
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I was going to tell a jok …
I was going to tell a joke about a boomerang, but I can’t quite remem… oh wait it’s coming back to me now
Continue ReadingI’m going to give my son …
I’m going to give my son a new lead for his pet puppy this Christmas, I’ll tell him he’s buried alive somewhere in the left side of the garden.
Continue ReadingJust read the headline: ” …
Just read the headline: “Dramatic fall in pupil expulsion” Unbelievable, my eyes nearly popped out.
Continue ReadingGrief takes many forms. W …
Grief takes many forms. Well, 17 to be precise, if you’re claiming the life insurance on your wife.
Continue ReadingWhenever I see people pra …
Whenever I see people praying before a meal, I can’t help but wonder ‘ just how many people has my wife cooked for?’
Continue ReadingIf I hit you at 30mph, th …
If I hit you at 30mph, theres an 80% chance you will live. If I ride at 140mph, theres a 100% chance I will be 4 miles down the road. Before you contemplate crossing Think – Speed Saves Lives
Continue ReadingI got canned from work at …
I got canned from work at the juice factory because I couldn’t concentrate.
Continue ReadingI was watching TV last ni …
I was watching TV last night with my wife when she asked “what else is on?” She was pretty unimpressed when I said “the light”
Continue ReadingMy mate works at an aquar …
My mate works at an aquarium. The screensaver on his laptop is people walking around an office filing stuff.
Continue ReadingI got thrown out of a che …
I got thrown out of a cheese rolling contest in Holland because I used French cheese with herbs in it. Apparently I wasn’t following le roule’s.
Continue Readingwhen someone drops their …
when someone drops their phone, i react as if they dropped a newborn baby. i laugh and i stamp on it
Continue ReadingI see that Russian civili …
I see that Russian civilians are protesting about their leader. They need to be putin their place.
Continue ReadingI was reading my newspape …
I was reading my newspaper when my parrot said to me “Why are you staring at the carpet?”
Continue ReadingI was in the jungle and g …
I was in the jungle and got attacked by a snake. It bit me and I fell to the ground. Luckily there was a ladder around the next corner
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