My boss called me in toda …
My boss called me in today and asked if I’d agree to work shorter hours in the current economic climate. “Thanks very much” I replied, “How about 40 minutes instead of 60?”
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I just turned twenty two …
I just turned twenty two today and my mum said, “Son do you not think it’s time you moved out?” I hate the thought of having my own room.
Continue ReadingI was driving down a coun …
I was driving down a country road the other day and saw a sign that said… ‘7 Motorcyle Deaths in 7 Years’ – I thought thank god im driving a car!
Continue ReadingI know an awful lot about …
I know an awful lot about bus timetables. I’ve led a sheltered life.
Continue ReadingNews Headline: “US Air Fo …
News Headline: “US Air Force combines 1,760 PlayStation 3 consoles to create super computer” …another thing you can’t do on an Xbox.
Continue ReadingEveryone says I must be m …
Everyone says I must be mental because I hold my nostrils shut and tip my head back to stop nosebleeds. “If anything” They say, “At least wait until you actually have one.”
Continue ReadingBluetooth. Allowing dads …
Bluetooth. Allowing dads to craftily send naked pictures of their son’s girlfriends to their own phones since 1994.
Continue ReadingThe swine flu website – c …
The swine flu website – created to help calm the pandemic – has been overloaded with approximately 2.7million visitors, and has subsequently crashed, rendering the site inaccessible. As a Sickipedian, I cannot possibly relate.
Continue ReadingI’ve recently taken up ro …
I’ve recently taken up rolling my own cigarettes, has anyone got any tips?
Continue ReadingWhile Neil Armstrong and …
While Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin made one giant leap for makind, Michael Collins was orbiting in the command module, though he never regretted being the forgotten man. He was over the moon.
Continue ReadingAs an animal thief specia …
As an animal thief specialising in large cats, I take prides in my work.
Continue ReadingI have finally walked out …
I have finally walked out on my wife as I could no longer put up with the endless arguments involving her OCD with kayaking literature. Organising her rowing books into rows always led to rows.
Continue ReadingWhen my daughter announce …
When my daughter announced that she was getting married I knew I had to come clean. She was rather upset after I’d told her that I wasn’t her real dad. But at least I managed to avoid the tradition of the bride’s father paying for the wedding.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Rememberence Day and an Andy Parsons joke? We only have 2 minutes silence on Rememberence Day.
Continue ReadingKids are funny. My eleven …
Kids are funny. My eleven year old has been quite happy to come home from school by himself, and be alone in the house for an hour or so until me or the wife finish work. But as soon as I mentioned the double murder that took place before we bought it, all of a […]
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