I’m a firm believer that …
I’m a firm believer that a persons email address says a lot about them. It just so happens mine is a Hotmail account.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I bought a flea circus ye …
I bought a flea circus yesterday, but one of them won’t go on the high wire. It’s a nervous tick.
Continue ReadingA mate of mine stays up l …
A mate of mine stays up late every night to ‘watch the stuff they can’t show during the day’. He’s a deaf baseball fan with a gambling problem.
Continue ReadingInventing upper case lett …
Inventing upper case letters was a capital idea.
Continue ReadingThe last time I had so mu …
The last time I had so much fun, they said I wasn’t going to pull through.
Continue ReadingWas chatting to my mate w …
Was chatting to my mate when this Asian guy comes up and says: “Satsuma, clementine, orange, satsuma, satsuma, orange…” I said to my mate “I haven’t got a clue what he’s saying.” My mate said “Thats because he’s talking in Mandarin.”
Continue ReadingFlies spread diseases so …
Flies spread diseases so please keep yours closed.
Continue ReadingOnce, a farmer had 3 beau …
Once, a farmer had 3 beautiful daughters. One night, each one of these daughters was waiting for their dates to show up. The farmer had never met these dates before, and decided to greet them at the door with a shotgun to see if they were good enough for his daughters. The first date showed […]
Continue ReadingMy mates call me the hors …
My mates call me the horse whisperer, not because I’m good with horses, I’ve got throat cancer.
Continue ReadingI went to the doctors, be …
I went to the doctors, because I think I something called ‘Nigerian-itis’. So he asked, “Do you like to wear flowery shirts in the winter? Are you better at football than others might suspect and often answer a question, with a question?” “What do you mean?” I replied. The doctor says I have a mild […]
Continue ReadingI’ve just phoned the hosp …
I’ve just phoned the hospital and put them on standby. I’m just about to try and open a tin of corned beef.
Continue ReadingOn my way to work this mo …
On my way to work this morning I was bombarded by neutrino particles and had to go to casualty I’m still waiting to be seen
Continue ReadingDumped my girlfriend when …
Dumped my girlfriend when I found out she had Diabetes. Not my type.
Continue ReadingI do all my addition in m …
I do all my addition in my head. It’s the thought that counts.
Continue ReadingThe wife just text me, “W …
The wife just text me, “Why don’t you book next week off work and have a holiday” “Are you sure? ,What about the kids?” I texted back. “It’s ok, you need a break, my mums having them” she replied. “Brilliant, I’ll see if the lads are up for golf somewere sunny. Enjoy whatever you get […]
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