My mate has an obsession …
My mate has an obsession of every time he ties his laces he then had to arrange the laces to look like the letter Y or he can’t leave the house. I said to him “why do you always have to do that ” “Y knot”
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I was walking to work the …
I was walking to work the other day when some big bird came running over to me asking for directions. . . I wasn’t much help though, I’d never heard of Sesame Street.
Continue ReadingJust finished my last exa …
Just finished my last exam at school. It was Philosophy. Or was it?
Continue ReadingI saw some tap dancing la …
I saw some tap dancing last night. That’s the last time I take L.S.D.
Continue ReadingI was getting my hair cut …
I was getting my hair cut and the barber asked, “doing anything special this weekend?” “Yes I am,” I replied. “Her name is Linda and she has muscular distrophy.”
Continue ReadingI saw a soldier, with an …
I saw a soldier, with an arm missing, collecting for the “Help The Hero’s” charity today. I just stood in front of him and applauded loudly, not because he’s brave or that he is collecting for a good cause, just to make him jealous.
Continue ReadingI can’t believe how hard …
I can’t believe how hard it is to use Sickipedia! I’m seeing more crashes than Prince Harry in his nightmares!
Continue ReadingI’ve just made my girlfri …
I’ve just made my girlfriend have a backstreet abortion. There’s no way I’m bringing up Nick Carters kid.
Continue ReadingYou know what gets my goa …
You know what gets my goat? El chupacabra
Continue ReadingMy wife said she wanted a …
My wife said she wanted a vibrator which didn’t need batteries. She wasn’t happy when I bought her an epileptic ferret.
Continue ReadingMy wife says I don’t unde …
My wife says I don’t understand irony which is funny because all my clothes have irony marks because of her negligence.
Continue ReadingWhen we got divorced my w …
When we got divorced my wife took me to the cleaners. I’m still not sure why we couldn’t go to court like everyone else.
Continue ReadingMy Grandad always used to …
My Grandad always used to say, ‘When you’re in a hole, stop digging.’ That’s probably why he got shot trying to escape from Auschwitz.
Continue ReadingBe kind to your dentist – …
Be kind to your dentist – he has fillings too!
Continue ReadingI am a teacher and I took …
I am a teacher and I took a child’s Innocence today. That’ll teach him to drink smoothies in my lessons.
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