Author: qjoq.com

I had my eyes transplanted from a female red deer, and now I can see much better Of course, its always easier with hind sight…

I’ve given up using Match.com. After 6 long months I haven’t met a single girl to play football against.

My mate rang me on my mobile today while I was sat right next to him. It was a close call.

Me and my mate were in the snooker club when he gave me a twenty pound note to get the drinks in. I came back with two pints and gave him a quid change. He asked, “Where’s the rest mate?” I said, “At the end of the table where it always is.”

Anyone who uses a defibrillator should be charged with resisting arrest.

My failed attempts at trying to cross breed fruit and vegetables has only made me melancholy

I went to the pub last night and the barman said, “What can I get you?” “Have you got anything on draught.” I asked. “Yes mate.” He said, “There’s a furry snake at the bottom of the fire exit door.”

I got food poisoning the other day. I haven’t used it yet.

The sauna room does wonders for myself esteem.

I have two brothers, well three actually but one has learning difficulties, so he can’t count.