What do you call an Ameri …
What do you call an American with a condom on his head? A posh yank.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
If at first you don’t suc …
If at first you don’t succeed, find out where she lives.
Continue ReadingI was thrown out of the W …
I was thrown out of the World Arson Championships for match fixing.
Continue ReadingHow do you make a chav sa …
How do you make a chav say “Walt Disney”? Ask him to point to his knee.
Continue ReadingI googled “Gary Oldman” a …
I googled “Gary Oldman” and got some pretty disturbing images – he’s really let himself go, I thought. Then I realised I’d left the “R” out.
Continue ReadingI’ve found it a lot easie …
I’ve found it a lot easier to pick up women since I’ve been going to the gym. Sometimes I even challenge myself with a fat one.
Continue ReadingThe one rule of the Monar …
The one rule of the Monarchs club is that one rules
Continue ReadingI never really fitted in …
I never really fitted in at school… I was fat.
Continue ReadingWhat if the first person …
What if the first person to say, ‘Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit’ Was being sarcastic..
Continue ReadingJust checked my Farmville …
Just checked my Farmville for the first time in three years. It’s now a supermarket.
Continue ReadingMy new girlfriend told me …
My new girlfriend told me that she loves surprises. So I cut her brakes.
Continue ReadingI can’t help thinking tha …
I can’t help thinking that Amazon are getting lazy. Under ‘Recommended for you’, they have listed a 20 gift voucher.
Continue ReadingI was thinking of taking …
I was thinking of taking up boxing, only thing is I’m allergic to cardboard.
Continue ReadingI work in a shop that sel …
I work in a shop that sells fake facial hair. It gets really busy around this time of year and I struggle to process each order on time, so you can imagine how annoyed I get at the people who come in and say they just want two brows.
Continue ReadingI think you know you take …
I think you know you take your neighbourhood watch duties a bit too seriously when you buy a cape
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