Author: qjoq.com

Whenever I try to sneak to the toilet in the middle of the night, I always end up with wet feet. One of my floorboards has a creek in it.

Duct tape. Say no more.

Are they ever going to find out if its maybelline or not?

I was playing scrabble with my wife. I said, “You’ve got B O”. She said, “Stop looking at my tiles”. I said, “I wasn’t”

My house was broken into last night and I found a note saying “we have your Sun, we want 100,000 or you’ll never be reunited”. Either their spelling is terrible or they have a fetish for newspapers.

The Anorexia Ward is the easiest place to pick up girls.

There was a fit bird batting her eyelids at me in the pub last night. I picked them up off the floor and batted them straight back.

My mate wanted to play hide and seek dressed in a bobble hat and a stripy jumper whilst holding a walking stick, What a Wally.

I’ve just been shortlisted for a prestigious award in recognition of my talent to write and send letters. I’m nominated for best mail.