I considered suicide unti …
I considered suicide until I found out it is actually illegal. I don’t want to go to jail.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Brantano customers. Throw …
Brantano customers. Throw your purchases away and wear the boxes instead. They’ll be harder-wearing, more stylish and better fitting.
Continue ReadingTwo men were sitting at a …
Two men were sitting at a table trying to act cool in front of these women. One man said to a lady ” me and him have a telepathy between us” The other man Added “I knew you were going to say that”
Continue ReadingGirls mature faster than …
Girls mature faster than boys. 12 is the new 20.
Continue ReadingI’ve just vomited on my f …
I’ve just vomited on my fitness instructor. I’m always sick on coaches.
Continue ReadingClaustrophobics need to g …
Claustrophobics need to get out more….
Continue ReadingMy mate was telling me la …
My mate was telling me last night that his racing dog went lame and had to be put down. I said, “Whippet?” He said, “No, I think they just used some drugs to put it to sleep.”
Continue ReadingI was flying a kite in th …
I was flying a kite in the park last week when I guy walked past and said, “y’all flying a kite” I thought that was pretty obvious so I quickly returned with, “no, fishin’ for birds”
Continue ReadingChanging weather patterns …
Changing weather patterns mean that animals are going to start to migrate differently. Personally I look forward to seeing Bill Oddie going to do some bird-watching in Norfolk and getting his head ripped off by a puma.
Continue ReadingI love going round to my …
I love going round to my nan’s to eat crackers. She always puts on a good spread…
Continue ReadingIronically when you wear …
Ironically when you wear camouflage, it makes you stand out more.
Continue Reading“I think it’s time to sto …
“I think it’s time to stop playing catch with our daughter and come in for dinner,” said my wife. “Why? I thought you said I should spend more time with her,” I asked. “I did. But you keep dropping her,” she replied
Continue ReadingI pulled last night at th …
I pulled last night at the club and after a few shots, I went home to get my wife to join in. But she’s not interested in clay pigeons.
Continue ReadingI took my blind girlfrien …
I took my blind girlfriend to see one of those old, silent comedy films the other day, just as a joke. She didn’t see the humour in it.
Continue ReadingWhat is the most common w …
What is the most common word in an obituary? Life.
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