Five hours yesterday the car was stuck in drifts going to work. It wouldn’t go forwards or backwards and digging it out was no use. Thank God for those survival programmes … Every hour or so, I struck up the engine to keep warm and I had an old bottle in the car to melt […]
Continue ReadingI broke up with my girlfriend when I caught her in bed with another man. I wasn’t too bothered about the cheating, it was finding out she was a man that got to me.
Continue ReadingWhenever I get in trouble, I pull out my trump card. Uncle Donald usually knows what to do.
Continue Reading“You’d make an ideal lesbian” I said to my wife. “Why?” She said, “Is it because I’m a gentile lover?” “No” I replied, “You’re fat and have spiky hair.”
Continue ReadingRumour is they are playing the Ashes in Athens next time round..
Continue ReadingIt’s like playing “Where’s Wally?” trying to find white athletes at the World Championships.
Continue ReadingHeadline: Boy wrongly accused of stealing a bag of crisps wins 6,000 defamation case. Must have been a bag of Walkers that he nicked
Continue ReadingA friend of mine has a degree in Black History. He’s a darkieologist.
Continue ReadingMy dad would always say “Don’t put all your eggs in one basket” Which is probably why we lost the easter egg hunt.
Continue ReadingI saw a man walking along the street with a t-shirt that said ‘Free Hugs’. I don’t know who ‘Hugs’ is, but I’m all behind your release.
Continue ReadingI worked for a team of robbers in a bank heist. I was only allowed to be the getaway driver. Oh well, it’s the taking part that counts
Continue ReadingI bet Lord Voldemort uses Twitter but not Facebook because he only has followers, not friends.
Continue ReadingEven my Blackberry battery lasts longer than a relationships these days.
Continue ReadingI took my wife to a freak show yesterday, but they weren’t hiring.
Continue ReadingMy mate thought it’d be funny to teabag me last night. Don’t think he really gets the concept, I reek of Earl Grey now.
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