I’m really confused. I bo …
I’m really confused. I bought a home grow kit from Amsterdam and after following all the instructions nothing grew. It just doesn’t make sensi.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Over 60 people have been …
Over 60 people have been injured in a crowd surge at the switching-on of Birmingham’s Christmas lights, during a free concert by boy band JLS. I don’t know, teenage girls and their crushes…
Continue ReadingNow that Facebook has mad …
Now that Facebook has made stalking easy and socially acceptable, I can’t help thinking that if it were around 10 years earlier, Jill Dando would still be alive today.
Continue ReadingMy wife and I always have …
My wife and I always have a lucky ritual before we take the kids out in her car, to ensure that we always return safely.. She hands me the keys…
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend just told m …
My girlfriend just told me I’ve gone power mad. I was baffled, all I could say was “Watt?”
Continue ReadingI’ve had a spectacular da …
I’ve had a spectacular day. It was in 1997, I think.
Continue ReadingWhen I married my wife, I …
When I married my wife, I took an oaf.
Continue ReadingMy little sister got home …
My little sister got homework to draw things that don’t taste very nice. I thought I was busted for a second but it turns out,she was just drawing a banana.
Continue ReadingDavid Kelly walks in to a …
David Kelly walks in to a Library. “Do you have a textbook on suicides” “Sorry” says the Librarian, “a bloke from MI6 just borrowed it”
Continue ReadingIt’s been said that as so …
It’s been said that as soon as you drive a new car off a dealer’s forecourt it will decrease in value by 1000 I’ve been driving around this dealership for three weeks now.
Continue ReadingThe doctor just told me t …
The doctor just told me that I’m partially deaf, which was difficult to hear.
Continue ReadingBefore you let a motivati …
Before you let a motivational poster motivate you, ask yourself, “If it’s so good, why are these people making posters instead of climbing mountains?”
Continue ReadingFor a split second before …
For a split second before you hit that rabbit in the car headlight, do you recon it thinks its about to be abducted by a UFO?
Continue ReadingAn advert told me that so …
An advert told me that some children have to walk in excess of 30 miles a day just to get clean water. The man at the end of the advert said that I could sponsor a child like Amita. So I did. I’m giving her 30p a mile.
Continue ReadingI’ve been having an affai …
I’ve been having an affair with a film director’s wife. Yesterday he caught us in bed together. He was furious. I said to him, “Look, mate, don’t make a scene.”
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