I’ll tell you who isn’t p …
I’ll tell you who isn’t playing FIFA 12, and that’s Richard Dawkins. He’s a Pro-Evolution man.
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Well, I’ve seen the lot n …
Well, I’ve seen the lot now. And after viewing it, I decided it wasn’t worth bidding for.
Continue ReadingTo be healthier in 2012, …
To be healthier in 2012, I’m going to drink 3.14 coffees a day. It’s all about the Pi Lattes.
Continue ReadingI told my girlfriend I’d …
I told my girlfriend I’d booked her an appointment with the psychiatrist. ‘Why have you done that?!’ she exclaimed. I said, ‘You told me the way I take everything you say literally was driving you crazy.’
Continue ReadingI tried out for the haird …
I tried out for the hairdresser’s football team yesterday. There was a lot of great highlights, but I didn’t quite make the cut.
Continue ReadingMy wife suggested we play …
My wife suggested we play Pictionary. She stood at the front of the room and held 4 fingers up… “Four words” I said She then proceeded to make a winding motion with her hand “Jack in the box” I shouted.
Continue ReadingI was paralyzed for two w …
I was paralyzed for two weeks after an accident and let me tell you,it was no walk in the park.
Continue ReadingI’m throwing a party for …
I’m throwing a party for all shapes apart from regular quadrilaterals. Be there or be square.
Continue ReadingMy hamster Abu had to hav …
My hamster Abu had to have his paw amputated. Thinking of getting him a hook as a replacement.
Continue ReadingTake my advice: I don’t …
Take my advice: I don’t use it anyway.
Continue ReadingI got banned from the zoo …
I got banned from the zoo for breaking into the penguin enclosure… All I wanted to do was read the jokes
Continue ReadingWent to see a pantomime a …
Went to see a pantomime about the Alphabet… turned out to be a word play.
Continue ReadingMy boss called me into hi …
My boss called me into his office earlier. He said, “Do you think it’s acceptable to stagger into work at 11am stinking of booze?” I said, “Yeah, go for it mate.” I’m now unemployed.
Continue ReadingI’ve given my wife a pet …
I’ve given my wife a pet name Rover.
Continue ReadingA guy is driving around t …
A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking […]
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