I was at a family wedding watching my wife going mad on the dance floor when a bloke came over. “Looks like your wife’s had a few too many!” he laughed. I laughed too and said, “Yes, well the local bakery had special offers on all pies this week!”
Continue ReadingI had to tell a prisoner on death row, that I still didn’t know what time he was to hang. “Ah well”, he said, “No noose is good noose”.
Continue ReadingApparently, giving the candidate a blunt knife and frozen mustard and then asking him to slice was an inappropriate way of letting them know that they didn’t get the job.
Continue ReadingWant to be Invisible to other people? Just stand in the doorway of a supermarket holding a charity tin.
Continue ReadingHow do you know when a family get together has gone too far? You can confirm your Mums a squirter.
Continue ReadingJamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsay and Heston Blumental are all trapped in a house fire. Who would survive? The food industry.
Continue Reading“So, I know you ‘gotta catch ’em all’, but what happens if you don’t?” I asked. “Well, there are 151 Pokemon in total, but you’ll never get them all without hunting down the rare ones” he replied. “Many of the 151 Pokemon in your Pokedex can’t be caught at all, and will need to be […]
Continue ReadingI went to see a river in Germany the other day but there was rubbish and pollution in it. It was Volga.
Continue ReadingI’ve been invited to a hair-washing party. Can’t think of an excuse.
Continue ReadingPractise safe eating. Always use condiments.
Continue ReadingAfter my divorce, I realised that poker isn’t the only game that starts with holding hands and ends with a staggering financial loss.
Continue ReadingI was in Minneapolis the other day … Until Mr. Apolis returned home unexpectedly.
Continue ReadingI got a horse racing App for my phone. You’ve got to train the horse Android it.
Continue ReadingWe still haven’t found a solution to climate change, but we’re getting warmer.
Continue Reading“Man dies of heart attack after having his car stolen” He had a Carjack arrest.
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