Author: qjoq.com

My wife went mad when she found out I’d covered her head with pages of the New Testament while she was asleep. You should’ve seen the Luke on her face.

After spending a night in a hotel I went to the reception desk. The receptionist said, “Can I check you out sir?” I said, “Go for it, I hope you like what you see”.

My mate is playing in an important tennis match tomorrow. I’ve wished him many happy returns.

I managed to convince a friend to kill my wife for some big money. He did the deed and came to me shaking and covered in blood while stuttering, “What have I done?” I handed him the money trying to calm him down but if anything the novelty football sized pound coin made things worse.

I saw a ginger looking really good throwing some shapes around tonight… I was really impressed, I always struggled with Tetris.

My lecturer at university pulled me to one side the other day to talk, he said he felt I had no patience. I thought that that was rather harsh, I have lots of patience – I usually wait right until the last minute to do my work…

My girlfriend always insists on being on top. Which is annoying when the bus isn’t a double decker.

After a week in jail, I broke out. What’s the best cure for acne?

I was recently reading a book on how to control your over confidence issues. Soon realised I was above it.