My Grandad got a plate in …
My Grandad got a plate in his head during the war. I think the Germans must have ran out of bullets.
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According to scientists, …
According to scientists, I’m 50% genetically similar to a banana. No wonder i’m so appealing.
Continue ReadingI have a chameleon skin j …
I have a chameleon skin jacket. I like it because it goes with everything.
Continue ReadingI was serving dinner to a …
I was serving dinner to an aardvark. I asked him if he would like anything else to eat. He replied “No, I’ve had enough” I said “Are you sure? Is that you’re final ant sir?”
Continue ReadingGrab your goat, Ewe’ve pu …
Grab your goat, Ewe’ve pulled.
Continue ReadingMy wife demanded that I g …
My wife demanded that I go hang the washing out. So I clotheslined her.
Continue ReadingBBC News – Boat death gir …
BBC News – Boat death girl, 11, ‘not seen’ Worst… super-villain… ever!
Continue ReadingI run a business selling …
I run a business selling homes for horses. It’s not great but it’s a stable income.
Continue ReadingWhen I was in my early 20 …
When I was in my early 20’s all I wanted was thick hair and a thin wife. I’m in my 30’s now and have got it the other way around.
Continue ReadingI’ve just lost my ice scu …
I’ve just lost my ice sculpture business. It went into liquidation.
Continue ReadingI hear Boris Johnson want …
I hear Boris Johnson wants to rise public transport fares again. So that’s what I get for paying my taxi’s.
Continue ReadingYesterday a little blue m …
Yesterday a little blue man with a red hat and a grey beard was mouthing off at me. I pulled my gun on him and decided to Pop a Smurf.
Continue ReadingI just bought a kitchen f …
I just bought a kitchen from MFI, 80% off. I ended up with just a sink and a cupboard.
Continue ReadingHow can you tell if a man …
How can you tell if a man suffers from low self esteem and has no sense of self worth? He’s a house husband.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend likes to bu …
My girlfriend likes to buy unusual presents for birthdays and xmas. This year for my birthday she bought me a lamp post… ‘it will brighten up peoples’ lifes’ she said its right up my street
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