Failed my driving test to …
Failed my driving test today. Apparently, seeing a woman driver is not grounds for an emergency stop.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
TV: So please, dig deep i …
TV: So please, dig deep into your pockets and give generously… I would, but they’re round my ankles at the minute.
Continue ReadingA friend of mine recently …
A friend of mine recently told me that women love grey hair. Great, I thought, I’ve got a few, so as I got ready for a night out, I combed it, and waxed it, and really thought I looked the part. I didn’t pull that night. It appears that nasal hair is a turn off.
Continue ReadingI saw a fat ginger woman …
I saw a fat ginger woman sitting at the bar last night, so I thought it would be funny to try and pull her. She instantly fell backwards off the stool and cracked her head open on the floor.
Continue ReadingMy mate says that my insu …
My mate says that my insults are “Too long winded, and ridiculous.” Like I really care what that pork sword forehead thinks anyway.
Continue ReadingI just stopped at a junct …
I just stopped at a junction to let a paki cross, he stood and waved for me to go, I waved again for him to go, he wouldn’t cross. He must have thought I was going to run him over. Can’t fault his judgement.
Continue ReadingI thought I’d take an Ame …
I thought I’d take an American citizenship test before to see how well I’d do, and it was quite easy really. The first part of it was just saying how many stars and stripes were in the flag… And the rest was history.
Continue ReadingSo you don’t actually wan …
So you don’t actually want me to explain to you the meaning of the word masturbation? Ok. Please yourself.
Continue ReadingI made an unfortunate typ …
I made an unfortunate typo in my written application for a raise from my black boss. Sadly, I didn’t get any extra monkey.
Continue ReadingNote to self When inform …
Note to self When informing the relatives of a murder victim that the killer was also a cannibal! Remember to tell them that we found remains, and not left overs.
Continue ReadingI couldn’t sleep last nig …
I couldn’t sleep last night, so I tried counting sheep! all that did was make it harder, half an hour later I was still awake but now in a cold field surrounded by sheep!
Continue ReadingI want to take a day trip …
I want to take a day trip to Calais, can anyone tell me if it’s cheaper to sail with P&O or Air France these days?
Continue ReadingA drunk walks into a libr …
A drunk walks into a library and says, “Can I have fish and chips, please?” The woman says, “Sir, this is a library!” The drunk stammers, “Oh, sorry!” He pauses, then whispers, “Can I have fish and chips, please?”
Continue ReadingI’ve discovered the secre …
I’ve discovered the secret of life. Breathing.
Continue ReadingWhat cheese do alcoholics …
What cheese do alcoholics like? Morbier
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