I found my wife in the kitchen, crying because the bread she made hadn’t turned out right. She said, ” I forgot to mix it together by hand and now dinner is ruined.” She carried on sobbing even louder. I said, ” Ok, so there’s no kneed to make a meal of it.”
Continue ReadingI smoke so much I’ve started to use Oust as a deodorant.
Continue ReadingWhat did Mr T say when an alien from Tatooine got on his nerves? Quit yo jibba… Jabba!
Continue ReadingNothing says I’m a fat insecure loser like posting “feeling so down” on Facebook to try and prompt reponses like “why what’s up?” Because if you actually wrote why your down in the first place no one would care or comment.
Continue ReadingAndy Murray should think about a career in politics now. MPs are used to cashing in on second places.
Continue ReadingI was driving my car along the motorway when the police stopped me. “Sir, where’s the body?” Asked one cop. “Search all you want, you’ll not find one, you have nothing on me so let me go!” I shouted back. “I can’t let you drive away in a car with no roof or sides” he […]
Continue ReadingJust found out my son’s having some bullying problems. Apparently the school won’t let him do it.
Continue ReadingI woke up this morning in my own bed, sheets dry, with full memory of everything I did the night before. Dude, I was so sober last night…
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me if I would explain rotational forces to him, But I didnt want to torque about it
Continue ReadingI lost my job as a hotel receptionist after checking out the wrong people. Apparently I shouldn’t be drooling over children.
Continue ReadingDon’t you just hate it when people post observations as jokes.
Continue ReadingI was just about to fill up my tank at the petrol station when I suddenly realised that I’d accidently parked it on top of somebody’s car.
Continue ReadingIf I had a pound for every time I was late with the dinner… I’d have black eyes and a broken nose like my wife.
Continue ReadingBBC NEWS “All baby deaths must be probed” Can like anyone probe the dead babies? If so, I call dibs!
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference between Father Christmas and the Citylink Delivery man? One is a fictional character who doesn’t actually deliver presents at Christmas and the other is Santa.
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