I am such a loser that I …
I am such a loser that I took my sister out for dinner on Valentine’s Day. Still got laid, though.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
What do you call a monkey …
What do you call a monkey that flies? A hot air baboon.
Continue ReadingAs a scientist, people ke …
As a scientist, people keep asking me “When is the end of the world?” “After the D,” I reply.
Continue ReadingIf the show’s called “24” …
If the show’s called “24” then why are they using a 12 hour clock?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Alecia Moore and Humpty Dumpty? One is Pink and had a great fall, the other is an egg.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a Sikh p …
What do you call a Sikh paedophile? Abu Singh.
Continue ReadingI walked into the kitchen …
I walked into the kitchen and found the words “You will die” spelt out in really old coins It was a shilling message
Continue ReadingMy heart goes out to peop …
My heart goes out to people waiting for organ donations.
Continue ReadingBill Turnbull on Monday m …
Bill Turnbull on Monday morning tv chatting to Giggs, he said: “Imagine what you could have achieved if you’d been English.” Yeah, he could have missed one of those penalties at the World Cup and got himself a nice Pizza Hut advert.
Continue ReadingI saw Francis Rossi buski …
I saw Francis Rossi busking the other day so I stopped to listen. When he finished he said ‘That’ll be a pound please mate’. I thought, ‘Fair enough, quid pro quo and all that’.
Continue ReadingThe three most heart-warm …
The three most heart-warming words somebody can say to you: Lack of evidence.
Continue ReadingWho exactly is ‘deadly se …
Who exactly is ‘deadly serious’ and why is everyone trying to impersonate him?
Continue ReadingBBC Sport: Liverpool Pond …
BBC Sport: Liverpool Ponder Chinese Takeover. I can sympathise, the decision between a Chinese or an Indian is the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.
Continue ReadingIf it’s dark in the bedro …
If it’s dark in the bedroom, it may take several minutes for me to find the hole and even a few more minutes to stick it in correctly. My wife can’t stand it when I try to charge my mobile in bed.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend always puts …
My girlfriend always puts little ‘x’ at the end of her texts. Although why she insists on putting her age in Roman numerals I don’t know.
Continue Reading