A bloke in a tractor just …
A bloke in a tractor just drove infront of my house shouting about the rapture. I think it was Farmer Geddon.
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African boxer Jigaboo Wog …
African boxer Jigaboo Wogchops has just returned to the ring after having both feet amputated due to a horrific accident. So far he has had 12 fights without defeet
Continue ReadingI read Quantum Physics. …
I read Quantum Physics. But only for the particles.
Continue ReadingThe Wife keeps moaning ab …
The Wife keeps moaning about my Fascination for Explosives. There must be Mortar life than this.
Continue ReadingWalkers Crisps are sponso …
Walkers Crisps are sponsoring a ride at Alton Towers this summer season. Air.
Continue ReadingMy grandad used to say “T …
My grandad used to say “Take everything in life with a pinch of salt”. He died from dehydration.
Continue ReadingI have a kinky fetish for …
I have a kinky fetish for weather conditions. Blowing a gale outside.
Continue ReadingWhenever the comedian Lou …
Whenever the comedian Louis C.K. performs for Hispanic audiences, he’s introduced as “Louis Yes.What.”
Continue ReadingThis joke is like a simil …
This joke is like a simile… Even with an explanation, the Americans still won’t get it.
Continue ReadingI find it really hard to …
I find it really hard to say some things with a straight face, such as “I think I’m having a stroke.”
Continue ReadingI’ve started dating couch …
I’ve started dating couches, but I’ve had no luck sofa.
Continue ReadingWas asked the question to …
Was asked the question today….. “Whats the biggesy icons of the 21st century?” “Phone, Pad & Pod” Wasnt the answers they were looking for!
Continue ReadingSince I’ve been in a whee …
Since I’ve been in a wheelchair I just sit at the top of the stairs while my daughter throws food up… She’s bulimic.
Continue ReadingDrinking tropical juice o …
Drinking tropical juice out of the carton is probably the nearest I’ll ever get to getting off with a Caribbean girl.
Continue ReadingInside Nature’s Giants. L …
Inside Nature’s Giants. Last time I did that I got arrested at the zoo.
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