“Eye spy with my little e …
“Eye spy with my little eye something beginning with………N”. “No girlfriends?” “Correct. Why can’t I just have two normal size eyes”.
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I’ve learned the best way …
I’ve learned the best way to sooth a crying baby is to not feed it, It’ll stop crying… Eventually
Continue ReadingI just experienced a ward …
I just experienced a wardrobe malfunction. Couldn’t get into Narnia.
Continue ReadingAfter years of searching …
After years of searching i found my real dad using the internet , this week we finally spoke on the phone, He said he would like to see more of me, so ive sent him some naked photos.
Continue ReadingAnyone else feel that if …
Anyone else feel that if it wasn’t for Farmville their life would have nothing to revolve around?
Continue ReadingI was shopping in Tesco t …
I was shopping in Tesco this morning when I heard an announcement: “Could the owner of a V reg blue ford focus please come to the customer service desk. So I went over and said, “What’s up?” “You’re blocking a disabled parking bay in our car park” she claimed. “That’s impossible” I said, “My car […]
Continue ReadingI watched the Lord of the …
I watched the Lord of the Flies last night. Got bored pretty quickly; spiders don’t move that much.
Continue ReadingI found a rock yesterday …
I found a rock yesterday which measured 1760 yards in length. Must be some kind of milestone.
Continue ReadingTwo was pointing a loaded …
Two was pointing a loaded gun at Zero. Just before Two fired the fatal shot, One threw himself in front of the bullet, taking the full force of the blow. Poor number One, he died for nothing.
Continue ReadingI was in my hotel room an …
I was in my hotel room and couldn’t get a signal on my mobile, so I went down to the lobby. They’ve got reception there.
Continue ReadingGrowing up my Gran inspir …
Growing up my Gran inspired me to become a magician…. When she’d pull tissues from her cardigan sleeve.
Continue ReadingHollister Sale – Socks; W …
Hollister Sale – Socks; Was: 9.99 Now: 9.98
Continue ReadingIf you knock someone out …
If you knock someone out in the Grammy Award Ceremony, will the person see stars?
Continue ReadingABC … Easy as 1,2,3 Unl …
ABC … Easy as 1,2,3 Unless of course, ABC stands for Airways, Breathing and Circulation
Continue ReadingMy wife loves sucking my …
My wife loves sucking my privates. I wish I never took her to the barracks now.
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