What is 12″ long and make …
What is 12″ long and makes a woman moan all night? Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
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I bought a book on practi …
I bought a book on practical jokes from Waterstones today. When I got it home and opened it, all the pages were blank and fell out.
Continue ReadingMy wife went mad when she …
My wife went mad when she caught me in bed with Zero our African neighbour. I don’t know what all of the fuss is about, she means nothing to me.
Continue ReadingTragedy + Time = Comedy I …
Tragedy + Time = Comedy In the case of Sickipedia simply remove time.
Continue ReadingDid you hear the one abou …
Did you hear the one about the depressed frog? He wanted to kermit suicide.
Continue ReadingWhile at the zoo, my wife …
While at the zoo, my wife was molested by 4 monkeys, 2 orangutans & a chimp. Poor woman’s been gang-aped..
Continue ReadingMy mate asked me if he co …
My mate asked me if he could have a handful of my Walkers crisps today. So I gave him the whole bag.
Continue ReadingSo the BBC declared a pan …
So the BBC declared a panda as Woman of the Year 2011? Must’ve seen 2 black eyes & immediately thought of their wives, eh?
Continue ReadingBritish Airways and Air F …
British Airways and Air France. They came. They saw. They concorde.
Continue ReadingDon’t contradict yourself …
Don’t contradict yourself, contradict yourself instead
Continue ReadingHow do you weigh citrus f …
How do you weigh citrus fruits? Limescale.
Continue ReadingEvery time I walk in fron …
Every time I walk in front of the TV when Jeremy Kyle is on, my wife tells me to get out of the way or she’ll kick me in the nuts. I just ignore it as I don’t pay any attention to idle threats.
Continue ReadingI got talking to one of m …
I got talking to one of my friends and I was saying how my son has a lot in common with Billy Elliot… “Has he started dancing?” My mate said “No” I replied, “I used his dead mum’s piano as firewood.”
Continue ReadingI feel like the people wh …
I feel like the people who hand out leaflets are really saying, “Here, throw this away for me.”
Continue ReadingSomeone smashed my mates …
Someone smashed my mates face in last night with a boat paddle. It must have been a terrible oar deal.
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