People say im like a tool …
People say im like a toolbox. Everytime I get hammered I get screwed
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
My wife keeps doubling up …
My wife keeps doubling up the bin bags. Totally ruining my perfectly good one-liners.
Continue ReadingJust been around this pro …
Just been around this proper poor housing estate with a camera, claiming i was here for the week and trying to find out more information about the local community. At the end of the week I told them, that in fact I was a secret a millionaire and had a 60,000 cheque. Needless to say […]
Continue ReadingIf size doesn’t matter th …
If size doesn’t matter then why don’t my shoes fit?
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because I …
My wife left me because I like to play with Barbie. She also insists that I call my stepdaughter by her full name- Barbara.
Continue ReadingTaxidermy. The only job w …
Taxidermy. The only job where you can give animals a good stuffing. And get away with it.
Continue ReadingYou are about to read som …
You are about to read something you may find hard to digest… Sweetcorn.
Continue ReadingBBC News: “Virgin Atlanti …
BBC News: “Virgin Atlantic creates 200 jobs” …Slag.
Continue ReadingCommuters, make the bus c …
Commuters, make the bus come quicker by standing by the corner looking for it coming down the road, then running back to the bus stop.
Continue ReadingI’ve just got back from h …
I’ve just got back from holiday. The hotel we stopped at was absolutely fantastic. The towels were so soft and fluffy, I could hardly close my suitcase.
Continue ReadingI was jumped by a load of …
I was jumped by a load of black guys earlier. That’s the last time I go to an athletics track dressed like a hurdle.
Continue ReadingOn a recent epsiode of bl …
On a recent epsiode of blockbuster the contestant asked for an “E please bob”? Bob replied “sort you out after the show”
Continue ReadingRight then, checklist for …
Right then, checklist for tonight. Cianti. Check. Fava beans. Check. Great. Now all I have to do is sit tight and wait for this census man.
Continue ReadingA guy returns home from t …
A guy returns home from the Doctor. His mate asks, “Why are you looking so miserable?” The guy replies, “The doctor says I have to take one of these tablets every day for the rest of my life.” His mate adds, “That’s not too bad.” The guy says, “It is – he’s only given me […]
Continue ReadingI rang my mate but he ans …
I rang my mate but he answered the phone in tears. “Whats wrong?” I asked, concerned. “The dogs just been hit by a truck! Just this minute outside the house, almost tore it in half!” he wailed. “I’ll be over right away!” I shouted. I’ve never seen inside a dog before.
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