I went to draw some cash …
I went to draw some cash last night. There was a sign on the machine that said “Insert Card Face Up.” So I put the card in and looked at the moon for a bit.
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I’m not saying I’m gettin …
I’m not saying I’m getting on a bit or anything, but I was around when it was still known as ‘El Paso’.
Continue ReadingPhillip Schofield on ‘Thi …
Phillip Schofield on ‘This morning’: “I’m a donor, when I’m gone people can have what they want” I’m having his money.
Continue ReadingI just saw a condom for g …
I just saw a condom for gingers, although it’s inflatable and appears to be shaped like a doll.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the similarity bet …
What’s the similarity between Peter Kay and Sickipedia? They both used to be funny.
Continue ReadingNothing shouts “Unemploye …
Nothing shouts “Unemployed” like being on sickipedia before 10 in the morning.
Continue ReadingI’m a big fan of Bee Gees …
I’m a big fan of Bee Gees and I also like cooking Chinese food. Well, you can tell by the way I use my wok.
Continue ReadingI was arrested at lunchti …
I was arrested at lunchtime for hitting an old woman. It’s not my fault. Someone at work told me it was pensioner punch, first day of the month.
Continue ReadingI’ve just sold my Born to …
I’ve just sold my Born to Run, Dancing in the Dark and Born in the USA LPs I’m having a bit of a Springclean.
Continue ReadingMy friend was saying how …
My friend was saying how he thinks Megan Fox is the hottest thing ever. He obviously hasn’t bit straight into a fresh McDonald’s apple pie.
Continue ReadingBBC News: Reports of dist …
BBC News: Reports of disturbances in Liverpool. Local police and residents confused as to why this has made the news.
Continue ReadingMe and my mate decided to …
Me and my mate decided to wear something fancy with our shirts at a recent modeling contest. We ended up tied in first place.
Continue ReadingNot a single person is in …
Not a single person is in a relationship.
Continue ReadingI’m going out with a surg …
I’m going out with a surgeon. She doesn’t half scrub up well.
Continue ReadingHow many Facebook users d …
How many Facebook users does it take to change a lightbulb? Change?!
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