My wife thinks I’m too ol …
My wife thinks I’m too old to still care so much for my Lord of the Rings memorabilia. But you know what they say, it’s not easy saying goodbye to old hobbits.
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For some reason I can’t g …
For some reason I can’t get hired. I work as a kid’s entertainer playing music at parties but several customers think my act is inappropriate so I have turned to the internet to see if anyone wants to book me for their son/daughter’s party. Anyway, if you wish to get in contact with me my […]
Continue ReadingA bull has been arrested …
A bull has been arrested for going berserk in a China shop. He’s denied all charges.
Continue ReadingI hate people who can’t t …
I hate people who can’t tell jokes, hence my low self-esteem.
Continue Reading‘…And don’t even get me …
‘…And don’t even get me started on statements with no context’
Continue ReadingIt’s a bit ironic that my …
It’s a bit ironic that my breast implant clinic has gone bust.
Continue ReadingMy hair has got to a ridi …
My hair has got to a ridiculous length. I think it’s reached the cut off point.
Continue ReadingMost people don’t want to …
Most people don’t want to know when and where they’re going to die, but I do. Then I won’t go there.
Continue ReadingI seem to be getting more …
I seem to be getting more Spam than ever these days. Maybe I should give the wife more housekeeping money?
Continue Readingjust drank a pint of food …
just drank a pint of food colouring!!, Do you think I will dye?
Continue ReadingWent to see my mate who w …
Went to see my mate who works on a farm that i haven’t seen for ages “Hey!!” He waved & shouted. Then i woke up here, in hospital, after being crushed by 30 bales of hay.
Continue ReadingI told my vampire friend …
I told my vampire friend I had a cure for his affliction. He thought he would never see the day.
Continue Readingi looked in an atlas and …
i looked in an atlas and the world really is flat!
Continue ReadingA little girl goes to a p …
A little girl goes to a pet shop and asks “excuthe me do you have any widdle wabbits?” The shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he is on her level and says “do you want a widdle white wabbit or a thoft fwuffy bwack wabbit, or one like that widdle […]
Continue ReadingEver go into a shop and f …
Ever go into a shop and forget what you’ve gone in there for? I think that’s probably why I got sacked from Tesco’s.
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