Whenever I quickly turned …
Whenever I quickly turned my car headlights on and off at someone, I got a flashback.
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In future I’m going to Sa …
In future I’m going to Sainsbury’s to buy their own brand of condoms Apparently you can really Taste The Difference.
Continue ReadingWhere do ships go when th …
Where do ships go when they’re ill? The docks.
Continue ReadingI found out this amazing …
I found out this amazing new diet that actually works! Its called a balanced one.
Continue ReadingI won the lottery not so …
I won the lottery not so long ago. Blew it in no time. I only intended to spend half of my fortune, but the sign said, “Minimum delivery 2 litres”.
Continue ReadingAdoption jokes – There’s …
Adoption jokes – There’s never a good time to tell them.
Continue ReadingWhy is it called dry hump …
Why is it called dry humping, if I always need a towel after?
Continue ReadingI cut my finger on a box …
I cut my finger on a box of plasters. The irony hurt more than the cut.
Continue ReadingPeople with big salaries. …
People with big salaries…You gotta give them credit.
Continue ReadingI have a reputation for s …
I have a reputation for selling the best Ketamine. That’s straight from the horse’s mouth.
Continue ReadingDon’t you just hate how o …
Don’t you just hate how over-reactive homeless people are. They make a big-issue about everything!
Continue ReadingYou can tell Facebook is …
You can tell Facebook is an american site… ”You took the quiz “One Word That Decribes You!!!” and the result is Party Animal!!!”
Continue ReadingI’ve recently started a r …
I’ve recently started a really difficult job in the North Pole where I’m having to work my socks off. My feet are freezing.
Continue ReadingMy grandfather got arrest …
My grandfather got arrested for poaching yesterday, Which Is strange as he’s always had his eggs that way.
Continue ReadingWith so many unwanted cat …
With so many unwanted cats and dogs roaming the streets… I won’t bother with a turkey this Christmas.
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