I just installed CCTV in …
I just installed CCTV in my house. My wife but doesn’t like it but I can see where she’s coming from.
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“What kind of business th …
“What kind of business thinks “Yes, closet paedophiles and racists, theres the target market we need to focus on!”” The church.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a hi-fi …
What do you call a hi-fi that will never let you down? A sound system!
Continue ReadingWhen we buried my Dad, Mu …
When we buried my Dad, Mum burst into tears, screamed to the heavens, and insisted that we each said a prayer. It completely ruined our day at the beach.
Continue ReadingMetro’s World Digest: Isr …
Metro’s World Digest: Israel have opened a male only beauty salon staffed entirely by topless women wearing only thongs. I know where I’m going on holiday this year… …Blackpool.
Continue ReadingI don’t like cheesy jokes …
I don’t like cheesy jokes… They aren’t mature enough.
Continue ReadingThe other day a mate told …
The other day a mate told me he planned to become a ballboy on a football pitch, or something along those lines.
Continue ReadingReligion: Putting the ‘li …
Religion: Putting the ‘lie’ in belief for thousands of years.
Continue ReadingD E S S E M That’s messed …
D E S S E M That’s messed up.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call a deer w …
What do you call a deer with no eyes? If i saw a deer with no eyes, I would probably call it nothing since the poor, disfigured animal would probably in some sort of pain or discomfort and so subsequently, I would call the RSPCA as they would be much better equipped and experienced to […]
Continue ReadingI have a really poor diet …
I have a really poor diet. I shop at Lidl.
Continue ReadingHow do you know when a pa …
How do you know when a paedophile has moved next door to you? The kids stop taking candy from you.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she would tr …
My wife said she would try anything once just to make me happy. I’m looking forward to seeing the pictures from her bungee jump into a volcano.
Continue ReadingI don’t know if it’s comm …
I don’t know if it’s common, but when I was a kid I used to dream that I was falling from a tall tree, only to wake up and find out that, in fact, the babysitter had thrown me out of the window.
Continue ReadingI fell asleep the other d …
I fell asleep the other day… And then woke up when I hit the ground.
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