Apple are developing new …
Apple are developing new technology that will be able to drive public transport and do everyday jobs, leaving thousands of people unemployed. The iMmigrant.
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Ibiza. A hotter version E …
Ibiza. A hotter version England with more alcohol and police who don’t give a toss.
Continue ReadingIt’s great that we finall …
It’s great that we finally bought a fridge freezer. Now I can finally keep my fridge as cold as it should be.
Continue ReadingI was sentenced to life i …
I was sentenced to life imprisonment for owning my blackhead remover. Or, as the police put it, a bloodied Bowie Knife.
Continue ReadingWhile queuing at the chec …
While queuing at the checkout in Tesco’s today, I had plenty of time to admire their 8 ‘show purposes only’ checkouts.
Continue Reading“So today I had this engl …
“So today I had this english test, and one question confused me. I had to find the past tense of “Think”. So I thought and I thought and I thought, and at the end I wrote: Thinked”
Continue ReadingMy inquisitive cat died. …
My inquisitive cat died. Curious.
Continue ReadingA little girl opens the d …
A little girl opens the door to find a priest with a collection tin. “What can I do for you, Father?” “I’m collecting for the orphanage.” “Just a moment,” says the little girl, closing the door. The priest waits patiently, then suddenly hears first one gunshot, then another. The little girl returns to the door […]
Continue ReadingI was telling my friend h …
I was telling my friend how some people swap Family Members for Popstars “Take my Uncle for Example…”
Continue ReadingI heard that there’s an e …
I heard that there’s an exception to the rule “I before E except after C.” It’s weird isn’t it?
Continue ReadingLong ago, someone who sac …
Long ago, someone who sacrificed sleep, forgot his family, his friends and his food and forgot laughter were called “Saints” Now they’re called “IT Professionals”
Continue ReadingI wish I knew the Morse C …
I wish I knew the Morse Code for the letter S…
Continue ReadingGrowing up I didn’t want …
Growing up I didn’t want to follow my father into the rodeo business, but he roped me into it.
Continue ReadingI was at the football and …
I was at the football and decided to get a snack at half-time. “I’ve only got pies and Bovril,” growled the grumpy woman at the kiosk. “Oh well,” I said, slightly taken aback. “Perhaps you could give me a pie and a Bovril – and while you’re at it a kind word wouldn’t go amiss.” […]
Continue ReadingI’ve never understood dec …
I’ve never understood decimals – I can’t see the point.
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