When people ask me what m …
When people ask me what my best qualities are, I always tell them my second best quality is being mysterious.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
Cleanliness is next to go …
Cleanliness is next to godliness, which must mean I’m an ethnic deity.
Continue ReadingUp until yesterday, I wor …
Up until yesterday, I worked as part of a firework display team and accidently set some off in the wrong sequence. They sacked me on the spot and I just think it’s bang out of order.
Continue ReadingRandom Girls Status: I’m …
Random Girls Status: I’m so ugly.. First comment: You spelt attention seeking wrong..
Continue ReadingWhen my girlfriend found …
When my girlfriend found a lump whilst examining herself I insisted on paying for her to go private and have it removed that very same day. It’s a big expense now, but in the long run it’s cheaper than paying maintenance.
Continue ReadingMy gran was telling me ye …
My gran was telling me yesterday how she was conned by a bogus workman. I said, “Gran, stop talking like that, Bill and Ted just aren’t cool anymore.”
Continue ReadingThe kids go back to schoo …
The kids go back to school tomorrow. Dunno who’s more excited, the parents or the pedo’s?
Continue ReadingDiablo 3 is the hardest g …
Diablo 3 is the hardest game I’ve ever played. I can’t even make it past the log in screen.
Continue ReadingHow do you know when you …
How do you know when you have no life? When you read the jokes on the back of penguin bars and find them partially funny.
Continue ReadingPoliceman 1: I see a blac …
Policeman 1: I see a black man! Policeman 2: IC3? Policeman 1: Really? Two of them must be really dark then
Continue ReadingWhat’s Swedish, cheap and …
What’s Swedish, cheap and entered by countless people every year? Ulrika Jonsson.
Continue ReadingI love geography, I’m Hun …
I love geography, I’m Hungary for a Korea in it.
Continue ReadingIn terms of cutlery, spoo …
In terms of cutlery, spoons just don’t cut it.
Continue ReadingMy grandma has taken to w …
My grandma has taken to wearing a red cloak, eating porridge & climbing beanstalks. She’s quite a character..
Continue ReadingI was thinking of getting …
I was thinking of getting a tattoo on my palm On the other hand I might not bother.
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