I’ve decided to ‘go green …
I’ve decided to ‘go green’ by recycling my used bath water and making popsicles out of it. The neighbourhood kids just love them.
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I was on Countdown and th …
I was on Countdown and the letters round had finished. I was then asked to submit my answer. “I’ve got nine” “Really? Go on then…” “Nine. N,I,N,E”
Continue ReadingI switched the radio off …
I switched the radio off after listening to five minutes of drum solo. He’s not as interesting as his brother Han.
Continue ReadingBlack people call me a wh …
Black people call me a white honky. I don’t mind though, I’m a goose.
Continue ReadingI gave a satisfied sigh a …
I gave a satisfied sigh as I watched my wife clear the table. Although I think the local pool hall are beginning to suspect she might be a hustler.
Continue ReadingDo Americanisms lose some …
Do Americanisms lose something and sound less cool when you use them in England? Well, that’s the 652,848 question.
Continue ReadingMy nan doesn’t like it wh …
My nan doesn’t like it when I kick the back of her chair really hard. She goes off her rocker.
Continue ReadingI got sacked for being st …
I got sacked for being stout. Now I’m bitter.
Continue ReadingMy wife said, “I think yo …
My wife said, “I think you should book us a wood cottage in the French Alps.” I said, “Chalet?”
Continue ReadingI have no beef with veget …
I have no beef with vegetarians.
Continue ReadingI wouldn’t want to fly Vi …
I wouldn’t want to fly Virgin. Who’d want to fly an airline that doesn’t go all the way?
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a virgin and a Virgin train? A Virgin train is not gonna come early.
Continue ReadingI had a good clear out in …
I had a good clear out in the attic yesterday. No toilet paper up there though.
Continue ReadingWhen I was at school, the …
When I was at school, there was a busy teacher called Mark King. There was a lad who sold drugs called Charlie Sellers. Then we had a P.E. teacher called Roger Kidd. He’s in prison now. Something to do with fraud.
Continue ReadingA termite lands on a fly. …
A termite lands on a fly. The fly says; “Are you a termite” The termite replies; “I mite be”. “That’s the stupidest pun I’ve ever heard” “Give me a chance man, I just came up with it on the fly”
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