I was invited to a red ca …
I was invited to a red carpet premier last night. My ginger girlfriend wanted me to lick her out for the first time.
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I hate the way pillow & d …
I hate the way pillow & duvet salesmen talk down to you.
Continue ReadingMy wife left me because m …
My wife left me because my obsession with handing out food. “Look that’s seven chocolates you’ve given out, when will you stop?” “After Eight?”
Continue ReadingWarner Brothers have anno …
Warner Brothers have annouced plot details of The Hangover: Part 3. They wake up to find a Gorilla in their hotel room and instead of Doug or Ted missing, the laughs, the fanbase and the audience go missing
Continue ReadingI broke the law yesterday …
I broke the law yesterday. Now everyone is free to do what they want
Continue ReadingMy little girl came in cr …
My little girl came in crying her eyes out. “Daddy! Daddy! Fluffy is lying still in his hutch. I think he may be dead.” So I went to have a look. Sure enough he was. “Daddy, why is his willie sticking out?” I now regret quipping, “I guess old rabbits die hard.” The bawling sounds […]
Continue ReadingI’m really sorry Donna fo …
I’m really sorry Donna for leaving you in bed and just going to work like that, and apologise for the comment, “You’re a lot bigger than I thought”. I will be home soon to finish what I started, but to be honest I don’t even remember coming home with you. Any way, out of the […]
Continue ReadingMicrosoft’s in private br …
Microsoft’s in private browsing
Continue ReadingLittle Johnny walked into …
Little Johnny walked into the house shortly before noon. “Johnny,” his mother cried, ” what are you doing home from school so early?” “I got the right answer to the question,” said Johnny. Looking confused his mother asked, “Which question was that?” “Who put glue on teacher’s chair?”
Continue ReadingBBC News: Police hunt fee …
BBC News: Police hunt fees demo ‘criminals’ Have they bothered to check the Houses of Parliament yet?
Continue ReadingMy wife went on one of th …
My wife went on one of those new water diets. Poor thing didn’t lose any weight, she gained twenty gallons.
Continue ReadingPolice searching for a mi …
Police searching for a missing child heard heavy breathing coming from a parked van. But, when they looked, it was just a kid napping.
Continue ReadingI posted on Facebook earl …
I posted on Facebook earlier ” my wife is my best mate” All my female friends were saying “oh that’s so sweet” etc etc. Its was only because she’d just put out a platter of sandwiches.. Calm down ladies.
Continue ReadingMr grandad used to say “N …
Mr grandad used to say “Never look a gift horse in the mouth” Which is probably why my pony died from gum disease.
Continue Reading“People tell me that my p …
“People tell me that my personality is divided. I don’t think so, but maybe it is.”
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