Man walks into the doctors complaining of terrible headaches for which he has found no cure. He asks the doctor for help. The Doctor tells him that he too used to suffer from nasty and long term headaches but he had been cured by placing his head between his wife’s thighs twice a week. The […]
Continue ReadingMy wife just told me she’s leaving me because all my jokes have irrelevant and depressing punchlines. The Holocaust.
Continue ReadingI need more money. My net income doesn’t pay for my gross habits.
Continue ReadingThe early bird catches the worm. Good luck to him, I’m having a bacon sandwich.
Continue ReadingI was up in the loft today and found my grandad’s old wig weaving machine. It’s a family hair loom.
Continue Readingi’d give my first born to not get my wife pregnant
Continue ReadingThought I saw Batman’s shadow in our house earlier.. Turns out our German Sheppard was sat at the top of the stairs
Continue ReadingI don’t really know how to say thsi…
Continue ReadingI was recreating silent comic Harold Lloyd’s famous clock scene when I thought, “Hold on a minute”.
Continue ReadingDrank too much the other night; I had more shots than an Arizonian gunman.
Continue ReadingI’m having dinner in a Greek restaurant, so hopefully a German will be able to pay for it.
Continue ReadingSquare: ‘Why do you only have one round edge?’ Circle: ‘That’s how I roll.’
Continue ReadingI smoked a joint today. My wife needs a new elbow now.
Continue ReadingIsn’t it ironic how when your mobile “Doesn’t Work” in a certain area its called a “Black Spot”
Continue ReadingNo matter what you search for on youtube, there’s always a 6-year-old Asian kid doing it blindfolded.
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