My stupid dog is always f …
My stupid dog is always fetching things for me that I don’t want. I get a lot of stick for it.
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I bought my new boss a mi …
I bought my new boss a mirror as a welcoming gift but it turned out to be faulty. It’s not going to reflect well.
Continue ReadingBill Gates just started a …
Bill Gates just started a chain of restaurants. Customer: Waiter! Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill and I’ll be your support staff. May I please have your telephone number, and address? Your visit may be monitored for training purposes. Now, please tell me your problem. Customer: There’s a fly in my soup! Waiter: Please exit […]
Continue ReadingMy wife finally announced …
My wife finally announced this morning that we were splitting up- she just couldn’t handle my precognition any longer.. So I left last night.
Continue ReadingBraking News: ABS is grea …
Braking News: ABS is great.
Continue ReadingWhat’s black and gets abu …
What’s black and gets abused 24/7 on social networking sites? Punctuation
Continue ReadingI recently realised that …
I recently realised that if I had given my exes as much attention as I had given my Playstation…I probably wouldn’t be playing my playstation right now… …but then I probably wouldn’t be 10th prestige on C.O.D so it balances out
Continue ReadingI’ve really been pushing …
I’ve really been pushing the envelope at work lately. I’m a Postman
Continue ReadingI came over a bit strange …
I came over a bit strange at work today, felt so disoriented I nearly fell off my ladder. The mother in law must have had a dizzy spell.
Continue ReadingI go to the gym Because d …
I go to the gym Because deep down we all know when the aliens come their going to eat the fatties first.
Continue ReadingTop News: “Murder-accused …
Top News: “Murder-accused ‘bought saw’” I am worried now, he buys one DVD and gets accused of murder, I have just bought the whole box-set.
Continue ReadingIf I had a cookie for eve …
If I had a cookie for every time I forgot the beginning of a sentence, I would have a million Pounds!!!
Continue ReadingI’ve just been diagnosed …
I’ve just been diagnosed with Haemochromatosis. Ironic, isn’t it?
Continue ReadingThere was an Englishman, …
There was an Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman sentenced to beheading by guillotine. This Englishman was brought out first and as the blade fell towards his neck it got stuck. Tradition was that if this happened then they had to let him free so the Englishman was saved. Next they brought the Scotsman out […]
Continue ReadingI was going to listen to …
I was going to listen to Slipknot – Before I Forget…but I forgot.
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