What do stroke victims an …
What do stroke victims and halfcasts have in common? Only half works.
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How many mechanics does i …
How many mechanics does it take to change a Lightbulb?.. About 70…Judging by the amount they charge you.
Continue ReadingCASE just CASE That’s jus …
CASE just CASE That’s just incase…
Continue Reading“Every dog has its day!” …
“Every dog has its day!” “Look, I told you I don’t want to buy a Battersea calendar.”
Continue ReadingMy French boss never than …
My French boss never thanks me for anything. He’s merciless.
Continue ReadingMy Father said that he is …
My Father said that he is so fed up of all my pets, the next one I get he is going to drown. I’m seriously considering getting a shark.
Continue ReadingMusic scholars have found …
Music scholars have found interesting new details about one of Beethoven’s early scores. She was eighteen years old and worked in the bakery.
Continue ReadingWhat do you call an Austr …
What do you call an Australian who makes wooden toilets? Lou Carpenter.
Continue ReadingMum: What are you gonna g …
Mum: What are you gonna gift grandma for her birthday? Boy: Football Mum: But your grandma doesn’t play football! Boy: On my birthday she gave me books.
Continue ReadingI love call of duty. I do …
I love call of duty. I don’t play the game myself but it means that there are a lot more bored girlfriends out there looking to get laid.
Continue ReadingI bought Pringles ’cause …
I bought Pringles ’cause the advert said it had 90 chips in the can. Liars! It was full of crisps! What a waste of gravy…
Continue ReadingJust got caught at custom …
Just got caught at customs, trying to smuggle drugs in my bra…. 36 E’s. Good job they didn’t find the crack in my knickers…
Continue ReadingI just spent an absolute …
I just spent an absolute fortune on books advising me on how to save money…
Continue ReadingiPhone app saves man trap …
iPhone app saves man trapped in Haiti rubble: Film maker Dan Woolley was trapped in the rubble after the Haiti earthquake. Thanks to the iPhone first-aid app he’d downloaded, he knew how to fashion a bandage and tourniquet for his leg and to stop the bleeding from his head wound. The app also warned him […]
Continue ReadingI was run over by a train …
I was run over by a train the other day. Guess I shouldn’t have worn a tracksuit.
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