I went to see a fortune t …
I went to see a fortune teller in Birmingham. She said, “When you walk out the door, you will meet a tall, dark stranger…”
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There’s this homeless guy …
There’s this homeless guy that I always see in my route to work. And because of that I always make sure to keep a few extra coins in my wallet. You know, for show off.
Continue ReadingI went to see an epilepti …
I went to see an epileptic contortionist last night. I said to myself “There’s no way she’s going to fit inside that box”.
Continue ReadingFrom the moment people st …
From the moment people started throwing semi-aquatic mammals at our local zoo keeper, I knew his fate was sealed.
Continue ReadingI just gave my newborn ba …
I just gave my newborn baby a bath. Drying him in a microwave didn’t go down well with the misus.
Continue ReadingI found a hornet in my ca …
I found a hornet in my car. I’m going kerb crawling tonight to test it out.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between Madeleine McCann and Haiti? I know where Madeleine McCann is.
Continue ReadingWhat do you get when you …
What do you get when you cross a cow with an arab? Milk Sheikh
Continue ReadingSky News: ‘Paranormal act …
Sky News: ‘Paranormal activity sweeps America’ If I was a ghost, I’d do something more scary than just tidy houses.
Continue ReadingHow does James Bond like …
How does James Bond like to keep his facial hair? Shaven not furred.
Continue ReadingI tried to watch the foot …
I tried to watch the football at the pub last night, but it was ruined by the flaming kids. Fire in the ball pit apparently.
Continue ReadingMy wife made me breakfast …
My wife made me breakfast in bed this morning. I’m so happy I’ve moved her sleeping quarters into the kitchen.
Continue ReadingI just did my best Sean C …
I just did my best Sean Connery impression to my dad He replied with a very impressive impersonation of Roger Moore That’s father and son Bonding.
Continue Readingwhat do you call a terror …
what do you call a terrorist brain surgeon? Mind Blowing
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between A level geography and GCSE geography? For A level you need 6 colouring pencils instead of 4.
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