I’ve just kicked a pheasa …
I’ve just kicked a pheasant to death. Don’t hate the player, hate the game.
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My friend is a contortion …
My friend is a contortionist who has been out of work for a while. He said he can no longer make ends meet.
Continue ReadingI rang the zoo earlier to …
I rang the zoo earlier today and got the fax machine by mistake. Either that or the Dolphins are a lot smarter than we think.
Continue ReadingIf you’re hungry, a cocon …
If you’re hungry, a coconut filled with chocolate milkshake makes a convenient ‘inside-out Bounty’
Continue ReadingJust had my planning appl …
Just had my planning application to open a specialised clothes shop in Bridgend turned down, not sure why, I was only going to sell jumpers..
Continue ReadingThe absailers in my footb …
The absailers in my football team are really annoying, they always get booked for descent.
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend won two gol …
My girlfriend won two goldfish at the fair last night, so we decided to call them Thelma and Louise. They will most probably be dead by the end of the week.
Continue ReadingWouldn’t it be rad if you …
Wouldn’t it be rad if you could get a degree in angles.
Continue ReadingA man walked up to view t …
A man walked up to view the body of his mother-in-law at a funeral. As he began to weep his wife walked up to him, slapped him and said, “Why are you crying, you never liked my mother anyway!” The husband replied, “I know. I thought I saw her move.”
Continue ReadingTurns out my wife is a th …
Turns out my wife is a thrill seeker, so I’ve started throwing her the dishes.
Continue ReadingI’m in a cover band for T …
I’m in a cover band for The Zombies. We never perform live.
Continue Reading30% of car accidents in s …
30% of car accidents in sweden involve reindeer….. Easy solution, ban them from driving..
Continue ReadingYesterday,I bought loads …
Yesterday,I bought loads and loads of women’s body spray that I’m sure I’ll never use. It was an Impulse buy.
Continue ReadingI like to have a nice war …
I like to have a nice warm bowl of fabric softener whenever I feel ill. Comfort food.
Continue ReadingWhen people ask me what m …
When people ask me what my Granddad did during the war, I tell them he was a deserter. He was actually a pastry chef but I think deserter sounds much more wind swept and interesting.
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