It was so awkward when I …
It was so awkward when I gave up my seat for what I thought was a pregnant woman on the bus. Not entirely because she was fat. But because it was a fat man.
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I wonder if somewhere in …
I wonder if somewhere in the world there exists a female tribute to the wu-tang clan called the poontang clan? That would make my day that.
Continue ReadingI was walking along the r …
I was walking along the road this morning when a van stopped next to me, a bloke stepped out and he asked me if I thought he looked silly wearing a helmet. It must have been insecuricor.
Continue ReadingMy mate invented a method …
My mate invented a method of weaving clothes from pubic lice, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.
Continue ReadingCar salesmen are refreshi …
Car salesmen are refreshingly honest these days. I went to an Audi dealer, and said I’d like to buy a car. The dealer told me “Please have a Seat.”
Continue ReadingA man walks into his hote …
A man walks into his hotel’s lift. The operator asks, “Which floor son?” “17th” replies the man. “No problem son” says the operator. As they approached the 17th floor the operator said, “Enjoy the rest of your stay son” “Why do you keep calling me son?!” asks the man. “Well, I brought you up didn’t […]
Continue ReadingI’m looking forward to my …
I’m looking forward to my dirty weekend. Wash the car, clean the garden, take rubbish out……
Continue Readingadrian chiles getting his …
adrian chiles getting his beard shaved for sport relief id of rather given a fiver to see christines beard shaved off !!!!
Continue ReadingMy girlfriend lets me int …
My girlfriend lets me into the zoo after it’s closed for the day. She’s definitely a keeper.
Continue ReadingMy wife said she was worr …
My wife said she was worried about our teenage son’s obsession with always wearing baby clothes. I said, “Don’t worry, he’ll grow out of it.”
Continue ReadingI’ve started up a tribute …
I’ve started up a tribute internet band, the Black IP’s.
Continue ReadingI wonder how American mus …
I wonder how American muslims get through Ramadan?
Continue ReadingSky News: Bodies found du …
Sky News: Bodies found dumped in skips. I usually get through five packets a day and I haven’t found anything suspicious so far.
Continue ReadingI was stopped by a police …
I was stopped by a policeman and asked if I could identify myself. I looked in the mirror and said, “Yes officer, it’s definitely me.”
Continue ReadingFancy losing a few pounds …
Fancy losing a few pounds? Try tennis… A fiver on Andy Murray to win Wimbledon should do the trick.
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