100% of divorces are caus …
100% of divorces are caused by marriage.
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They say alcohol kills sl …
They say alcohol kills slowly.. So what? Who’s in a hurry.
Continue ReadingCampanology…That rings …
Campanology…That rings a bell.
Continue ReadingI wish they hadn’t allowe …
I wish they hadn’t allowed the vuvuzela into the Oxford English Dictionary. Now I can’t hear any of the other words.
Continue ReadingI put some body spray on …
I put some body spray on last night, but I only managed to pull Anne Robinson. It must have been the weakest Lynx.
Continue ReadingGood Girls bend at the kn …
Good Girls bend at the knees. Bad Girls bend at the waist.
Continue ReadingSometimes in life you jus …
Sometimes in life you just have to hold your hands up. Especially during armed robberies.
Continue ReadingA guy came round to read …
A guy came round to read my meter today. It had the numbers 1 to 100 written on it exactly 1 cm apart.
Continue ReadingI invented a time machine …
I invented a time machine but it only takes you back in time. The guy in the patents office couldn’t see any future in it.
Continue ReadingThe only soup John Lennon …
The only soup John Lennon would eat was Ham. Eventually he decided to give pea’s a chance.
Continue ReadingAfter all the running aro …
After all the running around to collect the ten thousand pound that I raised for Children In Need for walking a whole fifty miles, I decided that I needed a car, lucky really.
Continue ReadingThe internet is a drug. Y …
The internet is a drug. You get on for 1 minute to check your mail, 4 hours later your pants are down by your ankles and you feel all awkward and lonely.
Continue ReadingI went to see a medium ye …
I went to see a medium yesterday. It was pretty average, although I feel mean saying that.
Continue ReadingA man being in a kitchen …
A man being in a kitchen is like a necrophile in a nursery, it just isn’t right.
Continue ReadingThere are no stupid quest …
There are no stupid questions,………………. but there are a lot of inquisitive idiots.
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