I’ll always remember the …
I’ll always remember the last words my father said before he accidently shot himself. “Safety first, Saf…”
Continue ReadingAuthor: qjoq.com
I’m in charge of the nati …
I’m in charge of the national armed forces…. generally speaking.
Continue ReadingYou could hear a pin drop …
You could hear a pin drop in my house this morning when the wife found out I’d been having an affair. Pity I didn’t see the grenade that she’d just pulled it from.
Continue ReadingThe only thing worse than …
The only thing worse than child labour is child unemployment
Continue ReadingI made a large fiddle out …
I made a large fiddle out of rotten cheese. It’s a fetid cello
Continue ReadingI’d be a lot more incline …
I’d be a lot more inclined to “THINK BIKE” if it weren’t for the fact every bike I see undertakes me at 100mph.
Continue ReadingA problem shared is a pro …
A problem shared is a problem halved. Unless you tell a woman.
Continue ReadingI always observe the spee …
I always observe the speed limit. As I drive past the sign at 100mph.
Continue ReadingIs nothing built in Brita …
Is nothing built in Britain nowadays? I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said it was ‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’.
Continue ReadingI punished my children by …
I punished my children by having them surgically attached to each other. If you can’t beat them, join them.
Continue ReadingI took my wife to watch C …
I took my wife to watch Celtic play Atletico Madrid tonight, but she kept moaning about how she didn’t like their striker. Foul cow.
Continue ReadingEvery time my wife and I …
Every time my wife and I cheat on each other, we put a flower in a vase to let each other know. We have an arrangement.
Continue ReadingMy mum lives round the co …
My mum lives round the corner from me and since my dad left her she’s felt, ‘lonely and isolated’. So I’ve heard.
Continue ReadingLuca Modric is a bit down …
Luca Modric is a bit down at the moment because of the whole ‘wanting to leave Tottenham’ saga and it’s my job to keep his spirits up and energise him…. After all i am Luca’s aide.
Continue ReadingHaving a double personali …
Having a double personality is good for my alter ego.
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