Every time i had a beer t …
Every time i had a beer today i got the hiccups. I just kept looking at my misses so they’d go away.
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Apple are to rebrand thei …
Apple are to rebrand their iPhone 4 as an “iPad Mini” after Trade Descriptions took issue with the “phone” element of the current name.
Continue ReadingA man was in front of a j …
A man was in front of a judge. The judge says to him, “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The man says, “Okay, let’s get started.”
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a shed and a hut? A shed didn’t order the execution of Luke Skywalker.
Continue ReadingI’m sick of defending my …
I’m sick of defending my son every time someone calls him a freak. He needs to learn how to stand on his own three feet.
Continue ReadingI like to show off my wea …
I like to show off my wealth. By not putting the trolley back at asda to get my pound.
Continue Reading“007, listen carefully, I …
“007, listen carefully, I have some fantastic Hi-Tech trainers for you.” “OK, what do they do?” “Erm nothing, but they were cheap.”
Continue ReadingO’Sullivan keeps losing a …
O’Sullivan keeps losing at his own snooker app… The iRonnie.
Continue ReadingThey say that Air Traffic …
They say that Air Traffic Controllers and Dentists have the highest suicide rates of any other professions. Really? I would’ve gone with Suicide Bombers.
Continue ReadingWhen Chelsea goalkeeper P …
When Chelsea goalkeeper Petr Cech goes to his hometown bank to have his cheques looked over by the black girl who works there: Choc Czech chick checks Czech Cech’s Czech cheques.
Continue ReadingI burst out into the aisl …
I burst out into the aisle of the plane and yelled, “Does anybody know how to fly one of these things!?” Everybody stared on in horrified silence… As the stewardess calmly asked me to sit down and put the kite away.
Continue ReadingSo Apple are holding a ne …
So Apple are holding a news conference today. What happens if they don’t hold it correctly?
Continue ReadingI called to my mates, ”W …
I called to my mates, ”Will you lend me your car? My wife’s going into labour.” ”I didn’t know she was pregnant.” he said confused. ”She’s not,” I replied, ”She’s covering my shift in the building site while I watch the football.”
Continue ReadingSteven glances out his wi …
Steven glances out his window and sees his neighbour Fred. Fred has his pick-up truck backed to his door, and a refrigerator blocking the doorway. Obviously the fridge is being moved and help is needed, so Steven rushes to help his red-faced neighbour. “Need a hand with that refrigerator, Fred?” asks Steven as he throws […]
Continue ReadingHow do you change your ph …
How do you change your phone to a jukebox? Phone Virgin Media’s help line
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