My television broke this …
My television broke this morning…but by lunchtime my friend Leroy had bought 100 more around for me to choose from. Must’ve spent all of his unemployment benefits on them..
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What do you call a bunch …
What do you call a bunch of priests in swimming trunks? Spaedos
Continue ReadingBBC News: US to push $60b …
BBC News: US to push $60bn Saudi arms sale. Wonder how much they’ll give me for my legs.
Continue ReadingThe wife thought it was a …
The wife thought it was a bad idea for me to fist her in my pirate costume. Now she’s hooked.
Continue ReadingAny ladies want to come r …
Any ladies want to come round to mine tonight for a dinner date? I’m making rohypnol chicken…you won’t be able to resist me afterwards.
Continue ReadingWhat’s the difference bet …
What’s the difference between a boxer and a woman? A boxer stands up to get knocked down and a woman lies down to get knocked up.
Continue ReadingThere are lots of people …
There are lots of people getting fired where I work. Mind you, I do work at a crematorium.
Continue ReadingJust found out why the ph …
Just found out why the phone company ‘3’ is called just that. Its the number of Satisfied customers they have.
Continue ReadingHouse spiders: where did …
House spiders: where did they live before we came along?
Continue ReadingAfter months of begging, …
After months of begging, I finally agreed to send my son to camp America this Summer. I’ve just booked him a flight to San Francisco.
Continue ReadingMy mother always told me …
My mother always told me “stop while you’re ahead” maybe the reason why I have never won the 100m
Continue ReadingJohn, Tom and Jess were o …
John, Tom and Jess were on a plane flying across the Pacific Ocean. The plane ran into turbulence and crashed into the sea, leaving them as the only survivors. They were eventually washed up on a tropical island and, after a few months or so, they had an effective food system and water system etc […]
Continue ReadingMy mate has just offered …
My mate has just offered me a share in his new time trvelling business. I had to turn him down though………i just could’nt see a future in it.
Continue ReadingStatistically, 365 out of …
Statistically, 365 out of 365 days of the year are taken up with the ‘one-day-only-DFS-sale”
Continue ReadingI’m planning on having a …
I’m planning on having a sea burial with no family present when I die, just so everyone knows that I’m dead.
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