My wife told me to get he …
My wife told me to get her something hot and steamy she can use in the bedroom for Christmas. What she wants with another iron is anybody’s guess.
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I just bought a book that …
I just bought a book that narrates the life of a car from the viewpoint of the car itself. Good autobiography.
Continue ReadingEveryone has a right to t …
Everyone has a right to their own opinion…except my wife The only right she gets is to the jaw!
Continue ReadingAfter the success of the …
After the success of the “Help our heroes” charity campaign,I would like to ask for donations of kids underwear,books,toys even sweets for my “Help our paedos” campaign.
Continue ReadingWhat do giraffes have tha …
What do giraffes have that no other animal has? Baby giraffes.
Continue ReadingI’m starting to wish I’d …
I’m starting to wish I’d ordered my blow up doll with more than just a mouth orifice. She’s completely infellatable.
Continue ReadingIt’s ironic that as soon …
It’s ironic that as soon as Shaheen is available for dates, Michael Jackson isn’t.
Continue ReadingMy friend just had a go a …
My friend just had a go at me for not letting him finish his sentence. That’s the last time I help someone break out of prison.
Continue ReadingGot sent to hospital for …
Got sent to hospital for treatment for my Narcissism. I checked myself out.
Continue ReadingEnglish Proverb: As you m …
English Proverb: As you make your bed, so you must lie in it. Takes me ages changing the covers while I’m still laying on the bed.
Continue ReadingSo Qatar won the 2022 wor …
So Qatar won the 2022 world cup bid. I didn’t realise a world cup could be held in a laser themed shooting arena.
Continue ReadingCash my gold returned my …
Cash my gold returned my package with a note attached saying they had forwarded my details to the RSPCA. Apparently goldfish weren’t what they were after.
Continue ReadingThe girlfriend and I were …
The girlfriend and I were spooning the other day when she suggested trying something different. Apparently knifing her wasn’t what she meant.
Continue ReadingI’ve just seen an app on …
I’ve just seen an app on the app store called cooking with children! Sounds awesome but where do I get the kids from?
Continue ReadingAll of my pokemon cards w …
All of my pokemon cards were destroyed in a fire… I only have ash now.
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